Contemplation

Since my blog is a kind of a therapy for my mental health, I guess this is one of those things called ”sumpah serapah yang diperhalus”. Google it.

Where to begin? Hmm..

I guess those sumpah serapah sort have faded away a little bit since I woke up from nap 2 hours ago.

I often think that my weakness is always trying to make all the things perfect and the worst thing of all is I’m not easily forgive myself for the things I think I should have done.

Like today.

Today is marketing plan presentation day for my team. This marketing plan has already got into my nerves as hell since a month ago.

Why? My lecturer got high expectation for the class performance so he set the score based on his experience when he studied abroad. I love the way he thinks that we, as students, here in Indonesia, need more challenges than what we usually get from standard education here. He said, as Indonesian students, who get lack challenges in developing our competencies in school yet only got nonstop pressure to reach high scores.

Okay, I agree with him on all points. Until, I got the so-not-kind-of-my-team. Ugh.

I’m okay to be friend with them outside class, but to form a team with them I should check my blood pressure to make sure that I wasn’t going to pass out. It’s sort of a mini-hell for me. Ya, menurut ngana?

I think I’m a perfectionist in a way that I prefer to work with only myself than in a 5 persons each team. Sometimes, I’d rather to work in a team only consist of 2 persons (including myself) than more. If there were 3 persons, I prefer to have all of the member have the way of work as I am or have more perfect vision than me, I mean; don’t procrastinate things, noticing every detail (qualified to be an editor), not a “yes man”. You know what I mean lah. *and Singlish accent came out in a sudden*

I worked on the strategic planning and them on the rest of how to implement the plan.

I got 4 friends, all girls, in my team.

First girl, she worked collecting data. She always tried to reach me every time she got new data and discussing things with me about the progress of our marketing plan.

Second girl, she was trying to complete the part where she should work on, but only work the half of it. It’s like you don’t even google it, man. Seriously?

Third girl, she’s the one who never stop complaining in her whole life I guess. Every time she gets assignment, she only got one thing to do in first place for sure, whining. Blah. When I gave her the part of marketing plan she should working on, she complained that she didn’t know how to work on that because she can’t read English. In Indonesia, that’s the time when you start to “ngelus-ngelus dada” then hit your head onto the wall. Bam!

Fourth girl, she never came to our planned-day-to-work-together. Until, the day before the D-day, she came. I tried to trust her to do the rest of the work, to edit it. Turned out, she even didn’t edit our paper and PowerPoint in decent way. That’s the problem of this morning to be mourned of.

The stupid thing was, I realized that so many mistakes, unedited words and sentences both in our paper and PowerPoint. And at some point, I only rest the presentation to the quote “que sera, sera”. I have to go all-out to presenting the plan in maximum performance.

The first turn to present the marketing plan was my team. Okay, everything went quite alright.

But when we finished it, my lecturer said that my team’s idea was great, but.. BUT, THE PAPER WAS SO TRASHY.

Well, it wasn’t what he really said, but it was just the same meaning when he said, “This marketing plan assignment I gave for you guys wasn’t quite different with how competition goes. You know, when in MasterChef, the judges often directly throw the unqualified dish to the dustbin after they tasted it. And that’s the same way goes to this paper. I don’t think you guys work seriously on this despite on the deadline. No matter how deadline rushes, it has to be done on time with your whole focus on it. And not like this. I hope you understand that this is the way you learn from your failure. I always hope that you guys can improve this and be ready in your future work life as a real manager. ”

At first, I thought that this was our fault. Then I thought this was her fault. After that, I thought, this was my fault.

Our fault, to not focusing on those little-but-important-things. Her fault, to not editing things decently. My fault, to not carefully read the paper before my friend print it.

It’s too late to regretting those ridiculously simple things.

Sometimes, it takes time to forgive myself on this kinda situation because I always think that this thing is still on my reach. I should’ve corrected those unedited paper, I should’ve remembered my friend to edit it before she print it, I should’ve read it before my friend print it, or maybe I should’ve edited and printed the paper by myself instead.

But then, to manage my disappointment on what happened today, when I woke up from nap, I realized that this is the way I learn things from failure. How I manage to bounce back from the failure to my way to the future awesomeness. When I know how to fall, sure I will know how to get up and chin up. I’m still breathing, alive, and my life is still a long journey to go, it’s not end just here and now.

What I learned today is my lecturer tough love to his students, including me for sure. What I reached today might a form of a huge disappointment, but when I can manage it well, when I know how to improve to be a better version of myself as individual, I can reach my dream future. 

We should value integrity, honesty, and discipline in every little thing we do. I believe in those three things will lead us to our dream come true. Because I live in my peaceful life in the making.

Anyways, I still really hope to get a not-so-bad score for this one subject. If I got to done the remedial (makeup exam), I pray to get a decent score so I won't take the same class in the next semester when I plan to work on my thesis. Amen.

Thank God for giving me these insights today. 

P.S. May Nelson Mandela rest in lovely peace (1918-2013)

I sorta need someone to talk to. Well, if we didn't know each other yet, then it's okay. I love to make friends :) I need to have deep conversation (of course not like that random convo I've written above)  and be enlighten with different vibe. that's all. Visit about.me/manuelandini, e-mail me there.

See ya when I see ya!

Mystery

So, I know this person, like, I only know his name. Not his life.

What I see is.. He seems to be a kind of quiet person. He doesn’t talk much. He only talks when somebody asks him something. I thought he was some kind of arrogant person who doesn’t really need to talk with other people who got different interests with him. He has great talent in certain sport (clue: involving bouncing ball), he was in this sport club in my uni.

One more fact. He was my junior high school friend's friend. Our junior high school is in the same municipality back in my hometown. When I first see him, I saw something familiar. I asked one of my junior high school friends to ensure that. Turned out, my friend said, they know each other.

I was in the same class with him a semester ago. Still, I saw him as a really quite person. My girlfriends and I only could watch him from afar and talked about how cool he was, even though we were in the same class.I never had a chance to talk to him because, yeah, you know the point. Besides, I didn’t know what to ask. It’s not that I have crush on him. No. It was just--okay, he’s not even that ugly, but I can’t read his mind. Err.. I don’t mean that I can read people’s mind. Ugh. How to say this.. You’ll figure out yourself after I finish telling you all of this.

I rarely saw him in campus cafeteria or even in campus itself. I, once, in my second year in uni, had a chance to work with him in a team (though we were in the different divisions). He came hurriedly to every meeting and always watched his watch so he could get to campus gymnasium on time after meeting, for him doing his routines with his team with campus sport club. I remembered that he could laugh at those girl freshmen who attended our organization’s initiation. (Of course he can do it, the fact that he is still a human, silly me)

It’s been a long time not to see him in campus. I never looking for him, but, you know, by the fact that his height is incredible; in the crowd nothing can be seen but his figure. Now, you got my point. See now that I don’t have crush on him? He’s taken, anyway. Just don’t wish me so. I hardly ever see him in campus. I repeat. I hardly ever see him in campus.

Until, I met him the last Monday. I stunned.

Monday.

I got home in the afternoon, leyeh-leyeh, had lunch with my parents. And there it was, the electricity was off.It was around 34°C, damn hot. My parents were going to daily fellowship service at my neighbor’s house which I didn’t really want to go for some excuses. I didn’t want to stay at home also, which I felt like laying on a pan in heated oven. Where to go.. where to go..I IM-ed my friends where they were at the moment, they were still in campus. Go to campus? I can’t see the point to make myself even more comfortable there. I “lived” in my campus for over 2 years, day and night. Why bother staying there?

Light bulb above my head blazed. Hey, air-conditioned mall, see you soon!I rode my scooter motor to the mall. I headed directly to the café I often visit with my partners-in-crime. There was this sweet barista we always talked about had resigned since September 30^th. He majored in International Relations, which the huge major I admired the most. Since he had resigned, we always wondered who will be replaced him there. I couldn’t see anyone behind the counter and around the cafe. I guess all the baristas are busy both in the office and the other cleaning the outdoor table.

I turned my head back and my eyes looking around the café. My eyes catch the familiar figure brought the cleaning tray from outdoor smoking area, I guessed he was just finished cleaning the table there. He approached the counter.

I stunned.

“I’m sorry for the waiting..” He smiled.

“You-- work here?” I asked, almost stumbled.

“Hehe. Yes, I’m new here. What do you want to order?”

I ordered a tall-sized cup of green tea frap and I chose java chip frap as the free gift from Octofest promo the café gave to those café card holders. I asked him to put the java chip frap in the tumbler I brought. I ordered cinnamon roll too, my favorite snack every time I visit the café. He asked me whether to heat it or not, I chose yes.

I wondered why I never saw him in campus since a semester ago.

So I asked, “Are you now working on your thesis?”

“Hahaha. I’m not. Not yet.” He laughed.“Ooh.. It’s just, I'm rarely seeing you in campus these days.” I just smiled, didn’t know what to say anymore.

“Yeah. I'm rarely going to the campus indeed—Oops. The cashier machine can’t get the bill paper out, I’m sorry. But your card balance already set.”
“Oh it’s okay.”
“Hey, thanks for the order.” He smiled again while passing me the fraps and a plate of cinnamon roll.

”Okay. Thank you.”

I nodded and smiled at him as I carried what I ordered. I’m looking for specifically unoccupied table and electrical plug near it. None. Those were full with people plugging they’re gadgets. Ouch. So I sat on the table on the corner near the door to the smoking area. I take out my laptop and book on the table and started making summary of the chapter 8 for my upcoming presentation. While I was making the summary, eating the c-roll, and drinking my frap, I couldn’t stop wondering why. I know that this is not even my business. I guess my mind is somehow overbearing my brain with the curiosity and it’s not good. Until now.

It's not that he’s bad for doing his job in the café, in fact, I often think that having job before I get graduated would be fun, let alone the other fact that this hospitality service is really needed to those who will face various characters of persons living their daily life. How to face them, how to deal with them. How to be best at communicating with other people.

I looked my watch. Whoops. It’s 21.00. It  has been 3 hours.

I put all the stationary, laptop, and my book to the backpack. Checking if there wasn't anything left on the table. Done.

I went to the counter again. It was still him there.

“Hi. What do you want to order?”

“I want to top-up the card deposit and take away the espresso brownies, please.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. There’s a crash on this cashier machine, it can’t processing the card.”
“Didn’t you say it was only the bill?”
“The bill is okay right after you ordered a moment ago. But about the card, it crashed just now. Hehe..” He slightly laughed.
“Haha.. I see.”

“1 espresso brownie? You want it warm or not?”

“Not, it’s okay. I want to eat it tomorrow.

”He wrapped the brownies and took the money I gave.

I still wondered, so I asked, “Are you still doing basketball?”

“Not anymore. This job really occupies me. You still go to campus, right?”

Finally, he asked me something. 

“Yes, of course. I just had a class this morning.”

“Okay, here you go. Thank you so much for coming!”

“Okay. Thank you!”

Actually, the brownies is still in my fridge. Hahaha. I plan to eat it either tonight or tomorrow. And if one of you thinks that this story will has the ending with him dating me, you just have to get out from your bed, stop watching those cheap FTV-drama-sinetron-you name it, and try to get used to watch Disney Channel instead.

I always remember that: Curiosity sometimes kills. You just have to filter what you really need to know, and what you shouldn’t know. If you destined to crack the code, then you’ll know what really happens inside the box. If the universe doesn’t even give you the chance to meet another coincidence more than twice, let it be just the mystery.

"You don't need to actually know the person, you just need to feel related to their story. Then you will understand." - @catwomanizer

Bald and Bold

It's been more than 2 weeks after I shaved my head bald.

Surprisingly, I've done some social experiments during that time and will continue to do that until next 3 months, I guess. It's not over yet actually :)))

Day One. Monday, 2 September 2013

Friend 1: "Rambut kamu kenapa, Laaa??"

Friend 2: "La, lo sakit apa?"

Friend 3: "SAKIT JIWAAAAA LO, LAAAAA!! Eh tapi bagus sih. Hehehe."

Friend 4: *usrek-usrek kepala gue* *ketemu lagi* *usrek-usrek lagi*

Friend 5: "You, seriously--? Whoa." *high five* *but, since I'm short, that was low five*

Many more.

Okay. That happened in campus.

And one of my friend in Jakarta, let just call her Sita. *emang namanya itu sih*, minta skype-an sama gue biar bisa liat rambut gue bentuknya gimana. Eh 2 minggu kemudian, doi ikutan Shave For Hope juga yang di Jakarta. Potongannya bob nungging. Bwahahaha. Looks cute, though.

I've seen many people watching me as I have this "breakthrough" haircut.

They might got curious-because they really are-with what happened to me by took notice on my head.

Some whispered to their friend next to them, some smiled to me, some even observed me from my head to toe. *that is still be the most irritating part of all*

The rest of those, greeted everytime they met me like never before. Hahahaha. Life's full of surprise :))

When I got irritated, I remembered the reason why I went bald, after that, I can smile to those who looking at me.

Some asked why I shaved my head, I just let them know that I joined SFH. And the rest, I gladly set my face to ear-to-ear smile and "ehehehe" to let them assuming what actually happened to me. Because, you know, I kinda tired answering those same questions all over again.

Some of my friends who knew that told me to print some SFH brochures to those asking me the questions.

Their brilliant idea won't let me do that, though. Hahahaha.

Anyway, every time I met foreigners, they never look me closely from head to toe. They just didn't care if you are bald or not. It was nice.

Despite of the irritating part by people watching me closely, being bald is not that bad at all.

I'm truly enjoyed it.

Why?

Because my head never got air to breathe since my hair is thick and now it feels so light like never before.

Because I can lay on bed straight after I wash my hair.

Because I never got free bad hair day for 24/7.

Because I love washing my hair.

Because I love my shampoo.

Because some of my friends and my family member told me that I looking geewd by this new look :))

And the top of it, I'm proud being myself. I'm glad to share this bald-looking to my dearest brothers and sisters who suffer cancer.

Now I know why girls being bald get attention much than boys like they were a freak-show.

The world keeps turning and you just can't set a lot of people's mind in a second to think that girls being bald is okay.

Remember, I don't say all of people's mind.

Just be our own self. Let them judging.

As long as we know how to improve ourselves to a better future, as long as we know how to respect other people, as long as we know how to open our minds to other people's critics and ideas, as long as we don't cause any harm, let us be on our way.

God bless.

How and Why Did I Shave My Head

I really did it.
I'm beyond happy :))

As I told you here, finally I could participate in Shave For Hope 2013 first time here in Jogjakarta.
It was fun although there was nobody I knew hehe. So, I chatted with 2 freshman girls of Jogja public university and got a queue for our shavee IDs registration.

My shavee Id is YGY0007 and my queue number is 20.
Before I entered the shaving room, one of SFH committes took a photo of me in the photobooth. And when my number was mentioned, I was excited :))

The hairdresser asked me if I want to cut my hair only 10cm or above my shoulder and asked my permission to let my hair (that have been cut) to donate as a wig. I said yes for the wig and asked back, is that allowed to left 3cm of my hair or not. She said no, so I decided to go bald instead.
She shocked and asked me back hahaha. I convinced her that I was ready for that. Then she said, "Okay."

So, here it is..

Cool, right? It is indeed, literally.

And I took this couple days before I shaved my head..

My eyes are all flat here hahaha

There are lots of my motivations for this event:

1. My auntie (Mom's twin sister) and Eyang suffered breast cancer until the day they passed away.
2. I have elementary school friend whose her little sister suffered leukimia until the day she passed away.
3. I watched My Sister's Keeper and read The Fault in Our Stars.
4. I just know that almost every person in this world wants to have healthy hair. Remember the saying, "A Woman's Hair Is Her Crown of Glory"?. Try say that in front of those who suffering cancer and loss their hair after get chemotherapy or radiation treatment frequently. Say it out loud. You just can't.
5. I want to show the society that being different such as girl-being-bald is not a freak show.
6. I want to save my 680ml pump shampoo for a year.

 I once told my parents that I wanted to shave my head bald. At first, Papa allowed me to do that. When I asked him about it the second time, he wanted me to not going further by this charity movement. Then I asked Mama is it okay if I get my head bald. She said, "Ela, kamu jangan macem-macem!". Her eyes almost popped out. Hahahaha

But, I got 6 considerations above.
I break the rules. Hehehe

When I got home after I got my head shaved, my Mom shocked as hell. Of course she did.
She asked me what will happen tomorrow when I go to school with my bald head, she asked me if I okay with that and ready for the consequences.
I convince her that this was complete my decision and I'm ready to face the consequences. Because I got considerations.
Then, she just laughed.

Mama: "I never dreamed to have a son."
Me: "Hey, I'm still your daughter. I'm still a girl. I still like boys. Uhm... wait. I like men."

Since, my father wasn't in town (he was in Jakarta back then), my mother texted him that I got my head shaved. He wanted to me to send him picture of me being bald.

Me: *sending the picture*
*delivered*
Papa: "You look like one of those African sprinters."
Me: ... Bwahahahaha :)))



P.S. According to the fact that my head is so oily, I still really need to shampooing my head two times a day. Obviously this time with small amount of shampoo. Half-press. But that doesn't mean I can save it for a year, I guess. By the way, why do I keep talking about 680ml pump shampoo?

Soon Gonna Check-off The List!

Salah satu dari bucketlist gue akan terpenuhi sebulan lagi.
It makes me sooooo happy.

Jadi, tanggal 3 Agustus kemarin gue baru bangun tidur pagi, ngulet, ngupil, bengong-bengong ngumpulin nyawa, terus sebagai anak muda yang *sok* up to date dengan perkembangan dunia maya, langsung nyalain hape dan mantengin home timeline twitter.

Scroll, scroll, scroll.

Dan gue baca kalo Shave For Hope regional Jogja udah dibuka pendaftarannya. (!!!!!)

Langsung deh gue yang sama sekali belum sikat gigi dan cuci muka itu langsung nyalain laptop, masuk ke website Shave For Hope terus registrasi dan tinggal nunggu confirmation e-mail. Gatau kenapa gw semangat banget hahaha. Meskipun WiFi rumah ngadetnya minta ditoyor se-RT, gw tetep rela ngulang data diri yang udah gue tulis untuk gue tulis lagi, sampe akhirnya gw tulis semuanya dan klik SUBMIT ketika sinyal WiFi beneran nyambung.

BERHASIL!! *Nggak. Gue gak suka Dora.* *Gue lebih suka Diego*
*Ella-nya ditoyor aja boleh, kakaaakk*

This is the printed version of the confirmation e-mail.

My shavee ID is YGY0007. Kinda feels like Bond :)) Bond Angel. Hahaha

Alasan gue mau ikut charity movement ini adalah karena, yang pertama, Eyang Putri dan tante gw (kembaran nyokap) menderita kanker payudara sebelum dipanggil Yang Mahakuasa.
Yang kedua, gue seperti merasakan bahwa ketika lo "berbeda" dalam hal ini botak, dan apalagi lo itu seorang perempuan, semua orang akan memperhatikan lo. Dan berbagai penilaian, asumsi, persepsi mereka berbeda-beda atas apa yang terjadi dengan kebotakan lo yang dikarenakan kemoterapi karena lo menderita kanker, yang mereka-mungkin-bahkan gak tahu itu sebelumnya.

Pepatah lama bilang, "Rambut adalah mahkota wanita."

Coba lo bilang kayak gitu ke perempuan yang mengalami kebotakan karena kemoterapi. Entah mereka akan mungkin, marah, nangis, atau malah keliatan udah kebal dengan hal itu. Tapi, ngerti kan maksud gue?

Pepatah itu terasa menusuk. Seakan kebotakan lo itu merupakan suatu aib; kalo gak punya rambut gak cantik lagi. See? Itu kejam. Banget.

Shave for Hope ini membantu kita yang masih berambut sehat ini untuk merasakan empati mereka, khususnya anak-anak penderita kanker yang mengalami penurunan kepercayaan diri yang disebabkan kebotakan karena kemoterapi. Lebih lengkapnya bisa dilihat di http://shaveforhope.com/aboutus.php

Tadinya gue merencanakan akan menghabiskan rambut gue dengan menyisakan 1-2 cm aja, tapi gak dapet restu dari nyokap soalnya pas gue bilang mau ngebotakin rambut, mukanya berubah kayak mau nangis gitu. Hehe. Bokap mah terserah gue aja katanya, cuman inget konsekuensi kalo misalnya nanti gue jadi gak pede apa gimana. Eh, tapi intinya dua-duanya gak merestui gue ngebotakin rambut. Hahahaha.

Daripada mereka nangis dan gue orangnya gak tegaan *asli* jadinya cepak saja cukup lah ya.

Entah apa yang akan orang-orang atau bahkan temen-temen gue bilang tentang rambut gue yang kelewat pendek nanti. Sekarang sih gue masih siap, masih semangat untuk ngabisin rambut gue dengan alasan empati tadi.

Jujur, gue gak terlalu suka ketika gue potong pendek (seperti yang gue lakukan November 2012) dan ada yang bilang, "Yah kan sayang-sayang rambutnya, kenapa dipendekin sih?"
Gue selalu bisa jawab balik, "Rambut kan bisa tumbuh lagi."

Gue harus tulus melaksanakannya dan harus siap untuk beberapa bulan ke depan untuk sabar memanjangkan rambut lagi. Dan kalo bisa, ikut SFH lagi di tahun depan.

But, to be honest, I can't hardly wait for the event to come. Di Jogjakarta sendiri akan dilaksanakan di Benteng Vredeburg, Minggu, 1 September , 2013. Untuk setiap kepala yang rambutnya dicukur memenuhi kriteria yang disebutkan http://shaveforhope.com/rulesEng.php, uang akan disumbangkan langsung ke YPKAI. Bagi mereka yang tidak bisa mencukurkan rambutnya di event ini juga bisa mendonasikan dari kecukupannya ke rekening SFH dan dengan mengisi form di http://shaveforhope.com/aboutus.php#donor.

Semoga gue selalu dimampukan Tuhan untuk memantapkan hati berbuat baik, tentunya dengan tulus dan gak mengharapkan apapun baik dari yang gue tolong maupun dari Tuhan. Gue doakan Anda yang membaca blog ini dengan hal yang sama juga. Amin.

Tuhan memberkati!

Peraturan & Ketentuan

1. Acara Shave for Hope akan diselenggarakan di beberapa kota besar di Indonesia.

• JAKARTA: Gandaria City Mall, Minggu, 15 September 2013
• BANDUNG: Bandung Indah Plaza, Minggu, 8 September 2013
• YOGYAKARTA: Benteng Vredeburg, Minggu, 1 September 2013
• SURABAYA: Surabaya Town Square, Minggu, 8 September 2013

2. Semua shavee WAJIB mencuci bersih rambutnya sebelum datang untuk dipotong/dicukur karena tidak akan disediakan fasilitas mencuci dan mengeringkan rambut.

3. Semua shavee WAJIB membawa secara print out ataupun elektronik bukti registrasi yang telah dikirimkan ke e-mail masing-masing.

4. Semua shavee WAJIB membawa ID card (KTP, SIM, Passport, Kartu Pelajar, dll)

5. Ketentuan cukur:

• Pria
  • Botak 1-2 mm


• Wanita
  • Bila panjang: dipotong diatas bahu dengan minimal rambut yang dipotong 10 cm ATAU
  • Bila rambut sudah diatas bahu harus minimal rambut yang dipotong 10 cm ATAU
  • Botak 1-2 mm

6. Bagi shavee yang berusia dibawah 17 tahun, WAJIB membawa print out surat persetujuan orang tua yang telah ditanda tangani orangtua. Surat tersebut dapat di download di sini

7. Bagi shavee yang memakai kerudung, akan kami sediakan booth khusus untuk tempat memotong rambut.

8. Harap semua shavee datang tepat waktu pada waktu yang telah ditentukan untuk memperlancar keberlangsungan acara.

9. Setelah dipotong/dicukur rambutnya, setiap shavee akan mendapat sertifikat beserta merchandise official dari Shave for Hope dan sponsor acara.

10. Saat peserta datang pada waktu yang telah ditentukan, langsung mendaftar ulang di meja registrasi (dengan memperlihatkan dokumen yang telah diberitahu diatas). Kemudian shavee akan diberikan nomor antrian pemotongan rambut.

11. Sebelum pemotongan rambut, peserta akan difoto “sebelum” dan setelah dipotong rambutnya, peserta akan difoto “sesudah” di Photobooth

Perspektif

Hari ini hari kedua belajar nyetir mobil sama Papa.
Masih sering mati mesin waktu mau mundur hehe.
Tapi gue udah lumayan bisa mengendalikan kecepatan dan udah bisa pindah gigi.
Well, baby steps :)

Sebelum gue pindah Jogja, mana tau gue cara nyetir motor. Apalagi nyetir mobil.
Di Jakarta, gue bisa mengandalkan angkot, bajaj, ojek, bus, taksi.
Gue udah pernah naik semuanya, meanwhile di Jogja jarang banget ada angkutan umum lewat gang depan rumah gue.
Nelangsa kan ya kalo gue mau ke sekolah dianter jemput mulu. Malu sama umur. Hahaha
Temen-temen gue jaman SMA aja udah pada bisa nyetir motor dari jaman SMP.
Lah cemen banget kan gue. Hahaha

Akhirnya belajar motor deh gue.
Jatoh, sering. Spion sampe patah malah hahaha.
Yaudah deh pas kelas 2 SMA gue ke sekolah pake motor setelah selama setahun dianter jemput supir, atau kadang-kadang ayah tercinta.

Pas kuliah nih, banyak  juga temen gue yang beralih ke mobil. Ada juga yang kadang-kadang masih naik motor. Dan ada juga yang setiaaaa banget pake motor kayak gue. Alias, belum bisa nyetir mobil.

Sampai akhirnya, tahun ini kakak gue yang udah bisa nyetir mobil itu, hijrah balik lagi tuh ke Jakarta. Kerja doi.
Mobil di rumah yang bisa pake Papa  aja.
Gue sih mau aja diajarin nyetir mobil.  Papa juga maunya gitu.
Kalo pas beliau lagi gak bisa nyetirin mobil kan gue bisa siap nganterin bokap-nyokap kemana gitu.

Buat yang nyetir motor nih. Pernah dong ngerasain kalo lo naik motor bawaanya pengen nyelip mulu dan lo paling sebel kalo jalan di belakang mobil di jalan yang menurut lo gak sempit-sempit amat tapi doi rasanya jalannya lama banget? Lo ngerasa udah di depan gang, minggir di tempat yang paling strategis, aman dan menurut lo mobil juga masih bisa lewat ternyata lo masih diklakson-klakson juga?

Atau nih, buat lo yang nyetir mobil. sebel banget kan sama motor yang doyan banget ngambil kesempatan buat nyelip lewat celah sekecil apapun sampe lo ketar-ketir mobil lo kebaret? Lo ngerasa motor mau motong jalan di depan gang tapi nutupin jalan lo masuk ke gang yang sama?

Bokap gue sering banget sebel sama pengendara motor yang mau nyebrang ke gang di depan gang masuk rumah gue (gang masuk rumah gue itu di perempatan). Seringnya sih motor yang mau nyebrang di depan gang itu memang posisinya di tengah-tengah gang, jadi nutupin. Blas. Nah itu rese. Tapi ada, sekali, pengendara motor itu berentinya persis ketika gue akan nyebrang ke gang di depan gang rumah gue tapi bokap tetep klakson motor itu terus ngedumel.

Gue mikir. Gue pertama kali mengalami sebagai penumpang mobil, tahu persis posisi motor yang bisa nutupin gang dengan posisi motor yang harusnya yang ngasih jalan pengendara lain (terutama mobil) untuk keluar masuk gang. Jadi, gue selama ini melakukannya dengan posisi motor gue yang harusnya bisa ngasih jalan ke pengendara lain.
Ternyata, menurut Papa, itu masih salah posisi nya.
Gue yang saat itu udah jadi pengendara motor jadi tahu apa susahnya memposisikan motor saat mau nyebrang ke gang seberang. Di depan gang, udah di pinggir banget,masih dianggap salah.

Terus gue jadi ngerti. Apa yang sebenernya aneh di sini.
Ini semuanya menurut sudut pandang gue yang udah jadi pengendara motor dan masih menjadi pemumpang mobil.

Ketika lo udah merasakan seringnya naik mobil, entah pengendara ataupun penumpang, mobil dan juga motor; ketika lo sekali nyetir motor, lo akan tahu posisi motor lo yang menurut lo benar di jalan untuk berlalu lintas dengan mobil; dan ketika lo nyetir mobil, lo akan tau bagaimana bersabar dengan pengendara motor dan memposisikan diri untuk (seringnya) mengalah ketika berlalu lintas dengan pengendara motor. Seringnya sih di Indonesia nih secara gue tinggal di sini.

Gue gak akan menyalahkan Papa akan hal ini.
Jelas, beliau hanya gak tahu sudut pandang pengendara motor secara beliau gak bisa nyetir motor.

You might will never really understand a person before you walking for a mile on her/his shoes.
It's a matter of each other's perspectives.

Anyway, doakan gua lancar latihan nyetirnya dan segera mengenggam SIM A :D

How I Miss You So Much

Rumah sepi nih.

It's only three of us; My mom, dad, and I.

My sister's working out of town.

Gak ada yang direcokin kan.

Temen pada liburan semua, balik minggu depan.

Saya juga masih ada kerjaan yang entah selesai kapan. Laporan. Pertanggungjawaban. 

Enek. Banget.

And then I remember my beloved cutie.

Hiks.

"Hippy" Stylist: Papa

In medications for kidney inflammations. He was so weak :''(

Cute little guy :*

“Please all, and you will please none.”

It's 9.36 AM. Lovely Sunday weather :)
And I don't know why, I can't stop smiling since yesterday.

Being grateful is not hard, when you're happy.
When you're down, it's way much harder.
True.

Recently, I know what I should post here.
It's kind of revelation. At least, for me. Because now, I know and understand why I react differently to my social life than I was a junior-high schooler.

I'm actually an introvert. But, nobody sees me like I'm the one, except my nuclear family and my closest friends.
Back then, I've been trying to please everyone. As if, I could do anything for them.
Some said, I was nice, funny, energetic, helpful, cheerful, smart. Everything, you name it
Despite it all, I left my opinions unspoken and it was often to follow somebody's lead.
But, what I remember when I was around 12-15 years old, life never been that easy. I enjoyed every moment in my life. Everything seemed so easy, fun, interesting.

And then, I agreed to go to school which Papa have chosen for me like for my sister.
We moved to Yogyakarta, around July 10th 2007.
Different city. Err.. It's more like town for me, though. Hehe.

New social life, new friends, new environment, new habits, new culture.
I tried to adapt. Thank God, I found nice friends. Some I still keeping in touch with them, and the rest, i don't know.

It's hard when you bump into new place, you tried to please everyone so they can be nice to you, you understand them but they might hard to understand you. I felt that I have to follow the habits here, I tried everything to fit in.
Trying to fit in new place here in Yogyakarta for the first 4 years.
Struggling with all the cultures shocks I've been through.
Questioning, why are they so slow (rarely find on-time person here, FYI, it's part of the culture.) and the food here so sweet I couldn't stand it.
The urge to go back to Jakarta was so huge, because I missed the way I lived there, how I really missed my old friends, how I missed its savory foods. Everything. I missed evey little thing of my "big city" life, back then.
Yeah. I got homesick.

I was so stressed out and acted so strange. So sensitive that even when one of my family member didn't agree with me, I cried.
Papa brought me to a pshycologist.
There you go, know that I'm that miserable, that was the ridiculous moment of my life. Terrible.
It's my past and this is not about the place, I guess, it's something to do with the ability of myself to adapt to new things.

She asked me to do 10 week sessions to diagnose what was wrong with me.
I attended all sessions with her assistant. She's nice. I still have her Facebook, anyway.
Mulai dari curhat, ngerjain semacam kuesioner kepribadian gitu, games, jalan bareng ke mall. Semuanya saya lakukan cuman dalam rangka, well, it was a kind of rehab so I could bounce back to what I used to be: optimistic, energetic, dan gak menye lagi. Hahaha.
I don't know the result. Yes, present tense.
Sampe sekarang saya gak tau hasil dari sesi-sesi itu apa aja. Mungkin cuman Papa yang tau.

Dan, diterimalah saya di sebuah universitas swasta di sini.
Kenapa swasta? Karena saya udah ikut UM dan SNMPTN buat masuk universitas negeri gak pernah lolos aja dong. Hahaha.

Okay, lanjut.

Di universitas swasta ini, saya ikut organisasi, sebuah himpunan mahasiswa sesuai jurusan yang saya ambil.
It was fun, exciting. I learned new things here, new friends also.
Sampai pada tahun ketiga, saya sebenernya udah gak terlalu niat untuk ikut organisasi ini. Pertama, capek. Kedua, saya mau meng-eksplor kegiatan lain di luar organisasi kampus, entah ikut kelas conversation maupun ikut kegiatan sosial lain di luar orang-orang yang sudah saya kenal sebelumnya. (Well, I did: joined catalyst movement. Beberapa kali ikut, makin lama makin gak bisa ikutan; makin banyaknya tuntutan kuliah dan organisasi kampus. Oke, itu excuses saya.) Kedua, saya merasa, banyak kok yang lebih kompeten dari saya untuk ngelanjutin kepengurusan organisasi ini di tahun ketiga.

Eh gak taunya, temen-temen angkatan saya banyak yang resign. Kampret.
Oke, saya mikir. Kalo ini temen-temen gak ada yang gerak, terus organisasi ini habis dong?
Sebetulnya saya bisa berkembang di situ. Tapi masa iya, tanpa mereka?
Akhirnya, ada deh yang "memprovokasi" supaya saya dan temen-temen saya keluar dari comfort zone, melakukan perubahan di tahun kepengurusan yang seharusnya jadi tahunnya angkatan saya.

Saya pun jadi tergoda, kalo gak ada yang maju, mending saya aja.
And it happened again. I followed them, not my heart. Well, saya gak nyalahin yang provokasi, saya gak anggap dia salah.
Saya aja yang setelah itu ngerasa, bahwa kapasitas saya ternyata tidak sebesar harapan mereka. You might gonna say, that I'm a whiner, spoiled little daughter-by reading this-because it turned out I wasn't that tough. Memang, saya selama ini berkembang dan banyak belajar di sana, tetapi kapasitas orang kan berbeda-beda, bisa tahan dan bisa tidak.
So, I took the decision beyond my limit.
Ya, saya lalu mengambil keputusan itu dengan tidak berpikir panjang.

Setahun ke belakang, hampir tiap hari, jujur, saya mengeluh. Kadang saya tahan, kadang saya nangis. Capek. Menyesal.

Kepengurusan udah berpindah tangan beberapa minggu yang lalu. Saya udah gak menjabat apa-apa lagi.
Less-burdened, for sure.
Despite of all the bad things happened to me, back then, somehow now I feel that it was a pleasure to know and understand how real team in organization should works. I know how to handle people, yet I still learning how to practice the right way.

Sebenarnya, saya sekarang memang gak suka ikut-ikutan lagi untuk hal yang gak saya banget atau peduli banget kata orang. Well, sometimes I still do the same thing nowadays but it rarely happens. Kalo sekarang, saya udah mulai untuk pikir-pikir dulu lah. Gak semua kata orang harus diturutin.

Contoh kecilnya aja ya.
Saya punya akun twitter. Saya hanya follow teman saya yang tweet-nya menarik, sebenarnya. Karena menurut saya, gak follow di twitter bukan berarti gak temenan di dunia nyata. Kalo ada yang mikir sebaliknya mah dangkal banget pikirannya. Maaf-maaf aja, tapi memang iya.

Terus, ada temen saya follow saya, minta di follow back. Okay, ternyata teman saya ini RT-abuser.
Rame banget dong home timeline saya. Bikin pusing, mana yang seharusnya yang menarik untuk dibaca sekarang dengan gampangnya kelelep sama retweetan temen saya yang isinya macem conversation yang gak penting juga saya baca.
Twitter yang dirancang untuk microblogging 140 karakter dan itu yang jadi daya tariknya, sekarang temen saya malah pake twitlonger pula. Nah lho. Gimana gak enek tuh.

Beberapa pengecualian, saya tetep follow temen lama saya di twitter meskipun dia ReTweet-abuser karena saya udah jarang banget handle akun Facebook saya. Hiks.
Untuk temen yang tiap hari ketemu mah kalo dia RT-abuser, saya unfollow. Asli.
Kalo ditanya kenapa saya unfollow, jawab aja yang jujur: karena saya gak tertarik liat twit macem RT-abusing gitu. Kalo dia dewasa mah harusnya dia bisa nerima karena prinsip yangtadi saya bilang: "Karena menurut saya, gak follow di twitter bukan berarti gak temenan di dunia nyata."
Kalo ternyata dia ngambek atau marah atau lebih parahnya sampe musuhin saya, saya cuman bisa ketawa. Hahaha.
Saya gak pernah protes kok kalo ada yang mau unfollow saya. Saya bukan selebtwit, therefore, I'm not into celebtwit-minded. Saya gak se-diva itu, guys. Kalo mau unfollow, monggo :)
Saya gak peduli juga kamu mau ngomongin apa saya di belakang cuman gara-gara saya unfollow kamu atau sama sekali gak mau follow kamu.

Eniwei, ini kocak juga sih kenapa saya bahas follow-unfollow twitter disini x))

Sekarang keliatan, dan saya makin ngerti kenapa gak seharusnya saya hidup dengerin semua perkataan orang tentang kita. Mereka bukan kita.
Bagian dari "gak dengerin semua perkataan orang" di sini bukan berarti saya jadi orang yang gak pedulian juga. Ini lebih ke mendengarkan apa yang seharusnya bisa saya terima atau tidak. Membangun atau tidak.
Kalo mereka memberi kritik dan saran membangun, saya pun coba untuk mikirin, memang itu beneran sesuai sama saya atau tidak. Kalo ternyata setelah dipikir dan mengerti ada yang masih salah sama saya, saya masih belajar untuk mendengarkan mereka dan belajar untuk memaafkan diri sendiri untuk gak lagi berbuat yang gak seharusnya. Itu semuanya proses. Saya sedang melakukannya dan sekarangpun masih belajar.

Kalo mendengarkan dan mematuhi mereka dengan tujuan untuk membuat mereka puas atau memenuhi ekspektasi mereka yang berlebihan dan gak sesuai dengan saya, bukan lagi fokus saya. Itu namanya gak membangun. Kalau untuk kemajuan dan perkembangan bersama it's okay. Tapi, kalau hanya untuk kepentingan orang-per-orangan atau sekelompok orang, mending gak usah didengerin.
Saya utamakan apa yang menjadi prioritas dan fokus saya.

Egois? Ah nggak.
Daripada saya melakukannya dengan tidak sepenuh hati dan hanya kamu yang mendapatkan manfaatnya tetapi saya gak ikhlas? Makasih banyak ya.
Saya lebih bahagia seperti ini, karena, sekali lagi, saya gak bisa menyenangkan setiap orang.

"There are a lot of problems with living a life designed to fit everyone else’s expectations of you, though. The top three, as I see it, are:

1. You can’t please everyone
2. Their expectations may be based on a narrow, inaccurate view of you
3. Your values could be wildly different from theirs." Ali Luke (http://www.aliventures.com/live-your-way/)

"You can't please everyone. When you're too focused on living up to other people's standards, you aren't spending enough time raising your own. Some people may whisper, complain and judge. But for the most part, it's all in your head. People care less about your actions than you think. Why? They have their own problems!" - Kris Carr (the New York Times Best-Selling author of Crazy Sexy Diet and Crazy Sexy Kitchen, a wellness activist and cancer thriver)

Ngok.

I've just finished my Business Ethics final paper. Pfiuh.

I was so sleeeepppyyy. And now, my eyes are wide open.  o_O
So I decided to post something here.
Nobody will read. Don't bother.
I don't really care.
What I care is my blaberring thoughts really need to express this s**t.

So yeah, it's been a tough mid-year. And the toughest is still yet to come.
I'm tired. I had enough of whining, crying, throwing vent.

Sekarang aja ngomong gini. Entaran juga kambuh lagi. Yah, manusia.

If you're asking, what am I doing until early June..
A lot. I can't ask for more. Obviously, I won't.
I've gained much productiveness. (based on http://sprachgefuhl.blogspot.com/2011/06/how-does-productivity-differ-from.html)

I'm grateful for being so productive.
But, on the other side, I really need to breathe.
Chill. Relax.
Chillax.

This afternoon, my sister texted me. She asked me to spend my vacation in Jakarta.
She said, "There will be cooking demo. And the fee.. It's not pricey."
She sent me the schedule.
Whoa.
14 June. It's Chef Arnold. Will be showing cooking demo.
*faints*

Ah, let's see if I can make it.
That cooking demo is my motivation now. Ehehe..

Gimme hugs! Gimme hugs! :*

Hugs, anyone?

If one of you follow my twitter, remember this?

Saya juga bingung gimana ngomentarinnya. But, it's indeed true.
Perasaan itu selalu muncul. The urge to hugging people around me is one of huge issues in my life.

Hahahaha *ini ketawa miris sebenernya. Soalnya takut digaplok*

Well, entah sejak kapan. Kalo bisa dinget-inget, yang mana bikin gue tambah mumet, sekitaran gue lulus SMA kali ya gue ngerasa kayak gini.
Etapi, dari jaman kecil kayaknya gue emang doyan nemplok sana sini deh. Ah, entahlah sejak kapan.
Cuman, sekarang serangan-tiba-tiba-pengen-meluk-orang ini lebih menghantui otak gue.

Temen-temen gue sih yang lebih sering gue templokin terus gue peluk *faktanya, lebih gue remukin badan mereka daripada gue peluk hahaha*
Temen-temen gue yang gue peluk itu ya cewek semua. Dan gue masih straight kok. Easy. Hahaha
Terakhir gue peluk temen-temen gue yang cowok itu ya pas seminggu yang lalu, pas farewell gathering kepengurusan organisasi kampus. Guys, I hugged you all with sincerity, gak ada nafsu-nafsunya gue sama temen sendiri, apalagi kalian haha :D

Di Indonesia sendiri, pelukan-pertemanan antar cewek-cowok gitu pasti diartiin macem-macem. Yah, tergantung orangnya juga sih. Selama ini mah gue gak pernah peluk temen gue sambil grepe-grepe juga, FYI.

Kalo lagi seneng, bawaannya gue pengen sharing hugs.
Kalo lagi sedih, bawaannya pengen dipeluk.
That's simple.
Karena gak semua perasaan bisa gw ekspresikan dengan kata-kata. Buat gue, hal tersebut bisa gue 'ceritakan' dengan sentuhan; pelukan itu tadi.

Semuanya kembali lagi ke persepsi masing-masing. Tapi, menurut gue gak ada salahnya kok asal dilakukan dengan tulus, tanpa paksaan, dan tanpa niat terselubung ya.

Menurut penelitian sendiri, pelukan itu banyak manfaatnya untuk kesehatan. Di bawah ini adalah artikel yang gue dapet dari MindBodyGreen by Marcus Julian Felicetti

Hugging therapy is definitely a powerful way of healing. Research shows that hugging (and also laughter) is extremely effective at healing sickness, disease, loneliness, depression, anxiety and stress. Research shows a proper deep hug, where the hearts are pressing together, can benefit you in these ways:

1. The nurturing touch of a hug builds trust and a sense of safety. This helps with open and honest communication. 

2. Hugs can instantly boost oxytocin levels, which heal feelings of loneliness, isolation, and anger. 

3. Holding a hug for an extended time lifts one's serotonin levels, elevating mood and creatinghappiness. 

4. Hugs strengthen the immune system. The gentle pressure on the sternum and the emotional charge this creates activates the Solar Plexus Chakra. This stimulates the thymus gland, which regulates and balances the body's production of white blood cells, which keep you healthy and disease free. 

5. Hugging boosts self-esteem. From the time we're born our family's touch shows us that we're loved and special. The associations of self-worth and tactile sensations from our early years are still imbedded in our nervous system as adults. The cuddles we received from our Mom and Dad while growing up remain imprinted at a cellular level, and hugs remind us at a somatic level of that. Hugs, therefore, connect us to our ability to self love. 

6. Hugging relaxes muscles. Hugs release tension in the body. Hugs can take away pain; they soothe aches by increasing circulation into the soft tissues. 

7. Hugs balance out the nervous system. The galvanic skin response of someone receiving and giving a hug shows a change in skin conductance. The effect in moisture and electricity in the skin suggests a more balanced state in the nervous system - parasympathetic. 

8. Hugs teach us how to give and receive. There is equal value in receiving and being receptive to warmth, as to giving and sharing. Hugs educate us how love flows both ways. 

9. Hugs are so much like meditation and laughter. They teach us to let go and be present in the moment. They encourage us to flow with the energy of life. Hugs get you out of your circular thinking patterns and connect you with your heart and your feelings and your breath. 

10. The energy exchange between the people hugging is an investment in the relationship. It encourages empathy and understanding. And, it's synergistic, which means the whole is more than the sum of its parts: 1 1 = 3 or more! This synergy is more likely to result in win-win outcomes. There is a saying by Virginia Satir, a respected family therapist, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.

via www.live-large.org

Add caption

Translation:
Terapi memeluk jelas merupakan suatu cara yang ampuh untuk penyembuhan. Penelitian menunjukkan bahwa memeluk (dan juga tertawa) sangat efektif dalam menyembuhkan penyakit, penyakit, kesepian, depresi, kecemasan dan stres.  

Penelitian menunjukkan pelukan mendalam yang tepat, di mana jantung (sebagai "hati") menekan (dan bertemu) bersama-sama, dapat menguntungkan Anda dengan cara berikut:  

1. Pelukan dengan sentuhan-yang-mengasuh/mengayomi membangun kepercayaan dan rasa aman. Ini membantu dengan komunikasi yang terbuka dan jujur.  

2. Pelukan dapat segera meningkatkan tingkat oksitosin, yang menyembuhkan perasaan kesepian, isolasi, dan kemarahan.   

3. Menahan pelukan untuk waktu yang lama mengangkat kadar serotonin seseorang, mengangkat mood dan menciptakan kebahagiaan.  

4. Pelukan memperkuat sistem kekebalan tubuh. Tekanan lembut pada tulang dada dan muatan emosional ini menciptakan aktivasi Solar Plexus Chakra. Ini merangsang kelenjar timus, yang mengatur dan menyeimbangkan produksi tubuh sel darah putih, yang menjaga Anda tetap sehat dan bebas penyakit.  

5. Memeluk meningkatkan harga diri. Dari waktu kita lahir sentuhan keluarga menunjukkan kepada kita bahwa kita dicintai dan istimewa. Asosiasi harga diri dan tactile sensation dari tahun-tahun awal masih tertanam dalam sistem saraf kita sebagai orang dewasa. Dekapan-dekapan yang kita terima dari ibu dan ayah kita saat tumbuh dewasa tetap membekas pada tingkat sel, dan pelukan mengingatkan kita pada tingkat somatik dari itu. Pelukan, oleh karena itu, menghubungkan kita ke kemampuan kita untuk cinta diri. 

6. Memeluk melemaskan otot-otot. Pelukan melepaskan ketegangan dalam tubuh. Pelukan dapat mengangkat rasa sakit, mereka menenangkan sakit dengan meningkatkan sirkulasi ke dalam jaringan lunak.  

7. Pelukan menyeimbangkan sistem saraf. Galvanic Skin Response dari seseorang yang menerima dan memberi pelukan menunjukkan perubahan dalam konduktansi kulit. Pengaruh kelembaban dan listrik di kulit menunjukkan keadaan yang lebih seimbang dalam sistem saraf - parasimpatis.  

8. Pelukan mengajarkan kita bagaimana memberi dan menerima. Ada nilai yang sama dalam menerima dan bersikap menerima kehangatan, untuk memberi dan berbagi. Memeluk mendidik kita bagaimana cinta mengalir dua arah.  

9. Pelukan yang begitu banyak seperti meditasi dan tawa. Mereka mengajarkan kita untuk let go dan be present in the moment. Mereka mendorong kita untuk mengalir dengan energi kehidupan. Pelukan membuat Anda keluar dari pola berpikir melingkar dan menghubungkan Anda dengan hati dan perasaan Anda dan napas Anda.   

10. Pertukaran energi antara orang yang saling memeluk merupakan investasi dalam sebuah hubungan. Hal ini mendorong empati dan pemahaman. This synergy is more likely to result in win-win outcomes.  

Ada pepatah oleh Virginia Satir, seorang terapis keluarga yang terhormat, "Kami membutuhkan empat pelukan sehari untuk bertahan hidup. Kami membutuhkan delapan pelukan per hari untuk perawatan. Kita perlu dua belas pelukan per hari untuk pertumbuhan. 

.... I find that love, is a miracle drug.

So, if you see me and really need to hug, ask me, and I'll give you a big bear hug :)

Eventhough, I suffer hypotension, doesn't mean I don't need hugs :)

Hugs, anyone?