Sensing The Scent of Sensitivity (Quiet)

I’ve always been that INTJ person who seems to be selfish and keep it all to myself. Sometimes wish I were the extrovert, you know. But the last test I took online didn’t prove I’m the one with its traits. Well, will it change?

Some might see me as an uptight person. I know from the jokes and statement they threw to me. I know and I can feel it. It hurt so badly, but as time passes, those feel just like the usual jokes I got to laugh at too. Somehow we got to laugh at ourselves, right? So it doesn’t feel that much hurt when life throws us jokes. Mostly are ridiculously painful jokes that seem no fun no more. But hey, the universe has its way to tell us a great mystery behind all that experiences. Silver lining, indeed.

I’ve been confused in my whole life for being an introvert. I may not that kind who trying to do things impulsively, well most of the time – I’m suffering analysis-paralysis. I just can take any decision and get no result whatsoever. I blame myself. But when I took fast decision and the result turns out bad, I’ll drown in sorrow and blame myself all over again. Of course, I react differently when the results turns out good. So, what’s is all about? What’s wrong with me?

***

Last Sunday I went to my childhood church to meet my friend and attend the Mass together. I love the lively ambience there and I guess I will always go back there to reminiscing some good memories. My parents' holy matrimony was held there, and so was the baptism ceremony for my sister and I.

Long story short, after the Mass we went to the nearest mall. On a long stroll around the mall, I ended in a bookstore. I ran out of good books so there I was, while reading the books’ synopsis, I checked the reviews & ratings on Goodreads. And then, I spotted a white-covered book with its embossed title. Quiet.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

by Susan Cain

The reviews and rating are great. It’s not pricey also. I took it to the cashier and trying to save it for my me-time later. I just knew this book was going to be so worth it. (I know part of me was trying to hold me back from this kind of over enthusiasm, just to make sure I’m lower the expectation).

Two days after I purchased it, I ripped the plastic which wrapped on it and read it for the first time. From the very first page, on every single review and feedback from the other authors about the book. So intriguing. It fascinates me so much until now (I just read half of it). I should have saved it little by little but this is such a page-turner that I can’t stop reading.

This book 'peels' layer by layer of introversion. From psychology, anthropology, to neuroscience. Do you know, Asia and Africa have more introversion traits that shaped their culture than America and Europe? It’s in the DNA too. And do you know, one third of populations are introverts?

Being in the world that courage most of us to be more extrovert, from our childhood to the period when we’re on our career now, mostly make us, the introverts, confused for being different for not knowing how to make the best of us that would shape us the way world wanting from us too. We’re wronged to be the most uptight person. I remember most of the time I reacted to the simple casual question while chit-chatting, often I answered it with what I observe all this time and being quite serious about it. Yes, we’re the sensitive ones. We’re once the high-reactive baby that quite, serious, or sensitive that have been overlooked in the world of extroverts, all this time (find out more in Quiet what I’m talking about).

For most of the time, I’m in dilemma for expressing this kind of sensitive/serious side of me because it’s considered as uptight and not fun while on the inside I feel what I express is pretty much what’s in my head. So, most of the time I’m just faking it, laughing at it, and I’m not trying to arguing further. The downside is, I’m not really comfortable with public speaking task, which make me don’t want to argue with the majority. Since, the introverts avoid conflicts. Fortunately, I’ve been practicing to handle all those fears with joining school and faculty committee and volunteered in some non-profit organizations back then, also, my previous job was public relation which forced me to meeting people with vibrant vibes, loud, and can’t stop talking. It was hard at the first time, but I managed to handle it pretty well. Yay!

Good thing is, Cain’s research results are giving me confidence to know that some of the revolutionaries, from Rosa Parks, Eleanor Roosevelt, to Steve Wozniak are those people born with introversion. She explained why those people were able to lead in their ‘silence’ and how to intensify their strength with those their introvert’s traits. They were able to be cooperative with other people, as long as the values offered by them were not contrast with their principle and moral integrity. We’re not shaken!

Cain’s also provide us ways to be more flexible, blend in with the 'loud surroundings', from various field of life from relationship life to work life, like she wrote in chapter 8: When Should You Act To Be More Extrovert Than You Really Are. I’m not reaching there yet, but can’t wait to turning every single page with curiosity like I always do to this book. Lifelong learning is what I need.

After reaching a half of the book, I feel quite sure that I’m not weird. I just belong to those one third of populations. I even talking to myself to calm those thoughts in my head and this action considered as a natural way – I relieved and can sleep in peace now.

P.S: Susan Cain also have self-help website for fellow introverts to understand their strength in Quiet Revolution (clik here). Find the tribe's writings there. And, of course, this is not a cult.

P.S.S: Watch her talk about introversion (summary of her book) in TedTalks.

I'm Making My Own Mess

Well, partially.
#whenegokicksin

Contemplation

Since my blog is a kind of a therapy for my mental health, I guess this is one of those things called ”sumpah serapah yang diperhalus”. Google it.

Where to begin? Hmm..

I guess those sumpah serapah sort have faded away a little bit since I woke up from nap 2 hours ago.

I often think that my weakness is always trying to make all the things perfect and the worst thing of all is I’m not easily forgive myself for the things I think I should have done.

Like today.

Today is marketing plan presentation day for my team. This marketing plan has already got into my nerves as hell since a month ago.

Why? My lecturer got high expectation for the class performance so he set the score based on his experience when he studied abroad. I love the way he thinks that we, as students, here in Indonesia, need more challenges than what we usually get from standard education here. He said, as Indonesian students, who get lack challenges in developing our competencies in school yet only got nonstop pressure to reach high scores.

Okay, I agree with him on all points. Until, I got the so-not-kind-of-my-team. Ugh.

I’m okay to be friend with them outside class, but to form a team with them I should check my blood pressure to make sure that I wasn’t going to pass out. It’s sort of a mini-hell for me. Ya, menurut ngana?

I think I’m a perfectionist in a way that I prefer to work with only myself than in a 5 persons each team. Sometimes, I’d rather to work in a team only consist of 2 persons (including myself) than more. If there were 3 persons, I prefer to have all of the member have the way of work as I am or have more perfect vision than me, I mean; don’t procrastinate things, noticing every detail (qualified to be an editor), not a “yes man”. You know what I mean lah. *and Singlish accent came out in a sudden*

I worked on the strategic planning and them on the rest of how to implement the plan.

I got 4 friends, all girls, in my team.

First girl, she worked collecting data. She always tried to reach me every time she got new data and discussing things with me about the progress of our marketing plan.

Second girl, she was trying to complete the part where she should work on, but only work the half of it. It’s like you don’t even google it, man. Seriously?

Third girl, she’s the one who never stop complaining in her whole life I guess. Every time she gets assignment, she only got one thing to do in first place for sure, whining. Blah. When I gave her the part of marketing plan she should working on, she complained that she didn’t know how to work on that because she can’t read English. In Indonesia, that’s the time when you start to “ngelus-ngelus dada” then hit your head onto the wall. Bam!

Fourth girl, she never came to our planned-day-to-work-together. Until, the day before the D-day, she came. I tried to trust her to do the rest of the work, to edit it. Turned out, she even didn’t edit our paper and PowerPoint in decent way. That’s the problem of this morning to be mourned of.

The stupid thing was, I realized that so many mistakes, unedited words and sentences both in our paper and PowerPoint. And at some point, I only rest the presentation to the quote “que sera, sera”. I have to go all-out to presenting the plan in maximum performance.

The first turn to present the marketing plan was my team. Okay, everything went quite alright.

But when we finished it, my lecturer said that my team’s idea was great, but.. BUT, THE PAPER WAS SO TRASHY.

Well, it wasn’t what he really said, but it was just the same meaning when he said, “This marketing plan assignment I gave for you guys wasn’t quite different with how competition goes. You know, when in MasterChef, the judges often directly throw the unqualified dish to the dustbin after they tasted it. And that’s the same way goes to this paper. I don’t think you guys work seriously on this despite on the deadline. No matter how deadline rushes, it has to be done on time with your whole focus on it. And not like this. I hope you understand that this is the way you learn from your failure. I always hope that you guys can improve this and be ready in your future work life as a real manager. ”

At first, I thought that this was our fault. Then I thought this was her fault. After that, I thought, this was my fault.

Our fault, to not focusing on those little-but-important-things. Her fault, to not editing things decently. My fault, to not carefully read the paper before my friend print it.

It’s too late to regretting those ridiculously simple things.

Sometimes, it takes time to forgive myself on this kinda situation because I always think that this thing is still on my reach. I should’ve corrected those unedited paper, I should’ve remembered my friend to edit it before she print it, I should’ve read it before my friend print it, or maybe I should’ve edited and printed the paper by myself instead.

But then, to manage my disappointment on what happened today, when I woke up from nap, I realized that this is the way I learn things from failure. How I manage to bounce back from the failure to my way to the future awesomeness. When I know how to fall, sure I will know how to get up and chin up. I’m still breathing, alive, and my life is still a long journey to go, it’s not end just here and now.

What I learned today is my lecturer tough love to his students, including me for sure. What I reached today might a form of a huge disappointment, but when I can manage it well, when I know how to improve to be a better version of myself as individual, I can reach my dream future. 

We should value integrity, honesty, and discipline in every little thing we do. I believe in those three things will lead us to our dream come true. Because I live in my peaceful life in the making.

Anyways, I still really hope to get a not-so-bad score for this one subject. If I got to done the remedial (makeup exam), I pray to get a decent score so I won't take the same class in the next semester when I plan to work on my thesis. Amen.

Thank God for giving me these insights today. 

P.S. May Nelson Mandela rest in lovely peace (1918-2013)

I sorta need someone to talk to. Well, if we didn't know each other yet, then it's okay. I love to make friends :) I need to have deep conversation (of course not like that random convo I've written above)  and be enlighten with different vibe. that's all. Visit about.me/manuelandini, e-mail me there.

See ya when I see ya!

Mystery

So, I know this person, like, I only know his name. Not his life.

What I see is.. He seems to be a kind of quiet person. He doesn’t talk much. He only talks when somebody asks him something. I thought he was some kind of arrogant person who doesn’t really need to talk with other people who got different interests with him. He has great talent in certain sport (clue: involving bouncing ball), he was in this sport club in my uni.

One more fact. He was my junior high school friend's friend. Our junior high school is in the same municipality back in my hometown. When I first see him, I saw something familiar. I asked one of my junior high school friends to ensure that. Turned out, my friend said, they know each other.

I was in the same class with him a semester ago. Still, I saw him as a really quite person. My girlfriends and I only could watch him from afar and talked about how cool he was, even though we were in the same class.I never had a chance to talk to him because, yeah, you know the point. Besides, I didn’t know what to ask. It’s not that I have crush on him. No. It was just--okay, he’s not even that ugly, but I can’t read his mind. Err.. I don’t mean that I can read people’s mind. Ugh. How to say this.. You’ll figure out yourself after I finish telling you all of this.

I rarely saw him in campus cafeteria or even in campus itself. I, once, in my second year in uni, had a chance to work with him in a team (though we were in the different divisions). He came hurriedly to every meeting and always watched his watch so he could get to campus gymnasium on time after meeting, for him doing his routines with his team with campus sport club. I remembered that he could laugh at those girl freshmen who attended our organization’s initiation. (Of course he can do it, the fact that he is still a human, silly me)

It’s been a long time not to see him in campus. I never looking for him, but, you know, by the fact that his height is incredible; in the crowd nothing can be seen but his figure. Now, you got my point. See now that I don’t have crush on him? He’s taken, anyway. Just don’t wish me so. I hardly ever see him in campus. I repeat. I hardly ever see him in campus.

Until, I met him the last Monday. I stunned.

Monday.

I got home in the afternoon, leyeh-leyeh, had lunch with my parents. And there it was, the electricity was off.It was around 34°C, damn hot. My parents were going to daily fellowship service at my neighbor’s house which I didn’t really want to go for some excuses. I didn’t want to stay at home also, which I felt like laying on a pan in heated oven. Where to go.. where to go..I IM-ed my friends where they were at the moment, they were still in campus. Go to campus? I can’t see the point to make myself even more comfortable there. I “lived” in my campus for over 2 years, day and night. Why bother staying there?

Light bulb above my head blazed. Hey, air-conditioned mall, see you soon!I rode my scooter motor to the mall. I headed directly to the café I often visit with my partners-in-crime. There was this sweet barista we always talked about had resigned since September 30^th. He majored in International Relations, which the huge major I admired the most. Since he had resigned, we always wondered who will be replaced him there. I couldn’t see anyone behind the counter and around the cafe. I guess all the baristas are busy both in the office and the other cleaning the outdoor table.

I turned my head back and my eyes looking around the café. My eyes catch the familiar figure brought the cleaning tray from outdoor smoking area, I guessed he was just finished cleaning the table there. He approached the counter.

I stunned.

“I’m sorry for the waiting..” He smiled.

“You-- work here?” I asked, almost stumbled.

“Hehe. Yes, I’m new here. What do you want to order?”

I ordered a tall-sized cup of green tea frap and I chose java chip frap as the free gift from Octofest promo the café gave to those café card holders. I asked him to put the java chip frap in the tumbler I brought. I ordered cinnamon roll too, my favorite snack every time I visit the café. He asked me whether to heat it or not, I chose yes.

I wondered why I never saw him in campus since a semester ago.

So I asked, “Are you now working on your thesis?”

“Hahaha. I’m not. Not yet.” He laughed.“Ooh.. It’s just, I'm rarely seeing you in campus these days.” I just smiled, didn’t know what to say anymore.

“Yeah. I'm rarely going to the campus indeed—Oops. The cashier machine can’t get the bill paper out, I’m sorry. But your card balance already set.”
“Oh it’s okay.”
“Hey, thanks for the order.” He smiled again while passing me the fraps and a plate of cinnamon roll.

”Okay. Thank you.”

I nodded and smiled at him as I carried what I ordered. I’m looking for specifically unoccupied table and electrical plug near it. None. Those were full with people plugging they’re gadgets. Ouch. So I sat on the table on the corner near the door to the smoking area. I take out my laptop and book on the table and started making summary of the chapter 8 for my upcoming presentation. While I was making the summary, eating the c-roll, and drinking my frap, I couldn’t stop wondering why. I know that this is not even my business. I guess my mind is somehow overbearing my brain with the curiosity and it’s not good. Until now.

It's not that he’s bad for doing his job in the café, in fact, I often think that having job before I get graduated would be fun, let alone the other fact that this hospitality service is really needed to those who will face various characters of persons living their daily life. How to face them, how to deal with them. How to be best at communicating with other people.

I looked my watch. Whoops. It’s 21.00. It  has been 3 hours.

I put all the stationary, laptop, and my book to the backpack. Checking if there wasn't anything left on the table. Done.

I went to the counter again. It was still him there.

“Hi. What do you want to order?”

“I want to top-up the card deposit and take away the espresso brownies, please.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. There’s a crash on this cashier machine, it can’t processing the card.”
“Didn’t you say it was only the bill?”
“The bill is okay right after you ordered a moment ago. But about the card, it crashed just now. Hehe..” He slightly laughed.
“Haha.. I see.”

“1 espresso brownie? You want it warm or not?”

“Not, it’s okay. I want to eat it tomorrow.

”He wrapped the brownies and took the money I gave.

I still wondered, so I asked, “Are you still doing basketball?”

“Not anymore. This job really occupies me. You still go to campus, right?”

Finally, he asked me something. 

“Yes, of course. I just had a class this morning.”

“Okay, here you go. Thank you so much for coming!”

“Okay. Thank you!”

Actually, the brownies is still in my fridge. Hahaha. I plan to eat it either tonight or tomorrow. And if one of you thinks that this story will has the ending with him dating me, you just have to get out from your bed, stop watching those cheap FTV-drama-sinetron-you name it, and try to get used to watch Disney Channel instead.

I always remember that: Curiosity sometimes kills. You just have to filter what you really need to know, and what you shouldn’t know. If you destined to crack the code, then you’ll know what really happens inside the box. If the universe doesn’t even give you the chance to meet another coincidence more than twice, let it be just the mystery.

"You don't need to actually know the person, you just need to feel related to their story. Then you will understand." - @catwomanizer

Bald and Bold

It's been more than 2 weeks after I shaved my head bald.

Surprisingly, I've done some social experiments during that time and will continue to do that until next 3 months, I guess. It's not over yet actually :)))

Day One. Monday, 2 September 2013

Friend 1: "Rambut kamu kenapa, Laaa??"

Friend 2: "La, lo sakit apa?"

Friend 3: "SAKIT JIWAAAAA LO, LAAAAA!! Eh tapi bagus sih. Hehehe."

Friend 4: *usrek-usrek kepala gue* *ketemu lagi* *usrek-usrek lagi*

Friend 5: "You, seriously--? Whoa." *high five* *but, since I'm short, that was low five*

Many more.

Okay. That happened in campus.

And one of my friend in Jakarta, let just call her Sita. *emang namanya itu sih*, minta skype-an sama gue biar bisa liat rambut gue bentuknya gimana. Eh 2 minggu kemudian, doi ikutan Shave For Hope juga yang di Jakarta. Potongannya bob nungging. Bwahahaha. Looks cute, though.

I've seen many people watching me as I have this "breakthrough" haircut.

They might got curious-because they really are-with what happened to me by took notice on my head.

Some whispered to their friend next to them, some smiled to me, some even observed me from my head to toe. *that is still be the most irritating part of all*

The rest of those, greeted everytime they met me like never before. Hahahaha. Life's full of surprise :))

When I got irritated, I remembered the reason why I went bald, after that, I can smile to those who looking at me.

Some asked why I shaved my head, I just let them know that I joined SFH. And the rest, I gladly set my face to ear-to-ear smile and "ehehehe" to let them assuming what actually happened to me. Because, you know, I kinda tired answering those same questions all over again.

Some of my friends who knew that told me to print some SFH brochures to those asking me the questions.

Their brilliant idea won't let me do that, though. Hahahaha.

Anyway, every time I met foreigners, they never look me closely from head to toe. They just didn't care if you are bald or not. It was nice.

Despite of the irritating part by people watching me closely, being bald is not that bad at all.

I'm truly enjoyed it.

Why?

Because my head never got air to breathe since my hair is thick and now it feels so light like never before.

Because I can lay on bed straight after I wash my hair.

Because I never got free bad hair day for 24/7.

Because I love washing my hair.

Because I love my shampoo.

Because some of my friends and my family member told me that I looking geewd by this new look :))

And the top of it, I'm proud being myself. I'm glad to share this bald-looking to my dearest brothers and sisters who suffer cancer.

Now I know why girls being bald get attention much than boys like they were a freak-show.

The world keeps turning and you just can't set a lot of people's mind in a second to think that girls being bald is okay.

Remember, I don't say all of people's mind.

Just be our own self. Let them judging.

As long as we know how to improve ourselves to a better future, as long as we know how to respect other people, as long as we know how to open our minds to other people's critics and ideas, as long as we don't cause any harm, let us be on our way.

God bless.

Soon Gonna Check-off The List!

Salah satu dari bucketlist gue akan terpenuhi sebulan lagi.
It makes me sooooo happy.

Jadi, tanggal 3 Agustus kemarin gue baru bangun tidur pagi, ngulet, ngupil, bengong-bengong ngumpulin nyawa, terus sebagai anak muda yang *sok* up to date dengan perkembangan dunia maya, langsung nyalain hape dan mantengin home timeline twitter.

Scroll, scroll, scroll.

Dan gue baca kalo Shave For Hope regional Jogja udah dibuka pendaftarannya. (!!!!!)

Langsung deh gue yang sama sekali belum sikat gigi dan cuci muka itu langsung nyalain laptop, masuk ke website Shave For Hope terus registrasi dan tinggal nunggu confirmation e-mail. Gatau kenapa gw semangat banget hahaha. Meskipun WiFi rumah ngadetnya minta ditoyor se-RT, gw tetep rela ngulang data diri yang udah gue tulis untuk gue tulis lagi, sampe akhirnya gw tulis semuanya dan klik SUBMIT ketika sinyal WiFi beneran nyambung.

BERHASIL!! *Nggak. Gue gak suka Dora.* *Gue lebih suka Diego*
*Ella-nya ditoyor aja boleh, kakaaakk*

This is the printed version of the confirmation e-mail.

My shavee ID is YGY0007. Kinda feels like Bond :)) Bond Angel. Hahaha

Alasan gue mau ikut charity movement ini adalah karena, yang pertama, Eyang Putri dan tante gw (kembaran nyokap) menderita kanker payudara sebelum dipanggil Yang Mahakuasa.
Yang kedua, gue seperti merasakan bahwa ketika lo "berbeda" dalam hal ini botak, dan apalagi lo itu seorang perempuan, semua orang akan memperhatikan lo. Dan berbagai penilaian, asumsi, persepsi mereka berbeda-beda atas apa yang terjadi dengan kebotakan lo yang dikarenakan kemoterapi karena lo menderita kanker, yang mereka-mungkin-bahkan gak tahu itu sebelumnya.

Pepatah lama bilang, "Rambut adalah mahkota wanita."

Coba lo bilang kayak gitu ke perempuan yang mengalami kebotakan karena kemoterapi. Entah mereka akan mungkin, marah, nangis, atau malah keliatan udah kebal dengan hal itu. Tapi, ngerti kan maksud gue?

Pepatah itu terasa menusuk. Seakan kebotakan lo itu merupakan suatu aib; kalo gak punya rambut gak cantik lagi. See? Itu kejam. Banget.

Shave for Hope ini membantu kita yang masih berambut sehat ini untuk merasakan empati mereka, khususnya anak-anak penderita kanker yang mengalami penurunan kepercayaan diri yang disebabkan kebotakan karena kemoterapi. Lebih lengkapnya bisa dilihat di http://shaveforhope.com/aboutus.php

Tadinya gue merencanakan akan menghabiskan rambut gue dengan menyisakan 1-2 cm aja, tapi gak dapet restu dari nyokap soalnya pas gue bilang mau ngebotakin rambut, mukanya berubah kayak mau nangis gitu. Hehe. Bokap mah terserah gue aja katanya, cuman inget konsekuensi kalo misalnya nanti gue jadi gak pede apa gimana. Eh, tapi intinya dua-duanya gak merestui gue ngebotakin rambut. Hahahaha.

Daripada mereka nangis dan gue orangnya gak tegaan *asli* jadinya cepak saja cukup lah ya.

Entah apa yang akan orang-orang atau bahkan temen-temen gue bilang tentang rambut gue yang kelewat pendek nanti. Sekarang sih gue masih siap, masih semangat untuk ngabisin rambut gue dengan alasan empati tadi.

Jujur, gue gak terlalu suka ketika gue potong pendek (seperti yang gue lakukan November 2012) dan ada yang bilang, "Yah kan sayang-sayang rambutnya, kenapa dipendekin sih?"
Gue selalu bisa jawab balik, "Rambut kan bisa tumbuh lagi."

Gue harus tulus melaksanakannya dan harus siap untuk beberapa bulan ke depan untuk sabar memanjangkan rambut lagi. Dan kalo bisa, ikut SFH lagi di tahun depan.

But, to be honest, I can't hardly wait for the event to come. Di Jogjakarta sendiri akan dilaksanakan di Benteng Vredeburg, Minggu, 1 September , 2013. Untuk setiap kepala yang rambutnya dicukur memenuhi kriteria yang disebutkan http://shaveforhope.com/rulesEng.php, uang akan disumbangkan langsung ke YPKAI. Bagi mereka yang tidak bisa mencukurkan rambutnya di event ini juga bisa mendonasikan dari kecukupannya ke rekening SFH dan dengan mengisi form di http://shaveforhope.com/aboutus.php#donor.

Semoga gue selalu dimampukan Tuhan untuk memantapkan hati berbuat baik, tentunya dengan tulus dan gak mengharapkan apapun baik dari yang gue tolong maupun dari Tuhan. Gue doakan Anda yang membaca blog ini dengan hal yang sama juga. Amin.

Tuhan memberkati!

Peraturan & Ketentuan

1. Acara Shave for Hope akan diselenggarakan di beberapa kota besar di Indonesia.

• JAKARTA: Gandaria City Mall, Minggu, 15 September 2013
• BANDUNG: Bandung Indah Plaza, Minggu, 8 September 2013
• YOGYAKARTA: Benteng Vredeburg, Minggu, 1 September 2013
• SURABAYA: Surabaya Town Square, Minggu, 8 September 2013

2. Semua shavee WAJIB mencuci bersih rambutnya sebelum datang untuk dipotong/dicukur karena tidak akan disediakan fasilitas mencuci dan mengeringkan rambut.

3. Semua shavee WAJIB membawa secara print out ataupun elektronik bukti registrasi yang telah dikirimkan ke e-mail masing-masing.

4. Semua shavee WAJIB membawa ID card (KTP, SIM, Passport, Kartu Pelajar, dll)

5. Ketentuan cukur:

• Pria
  • Botak 1-2 mm


• Wanita
  • Bila panjang: dipotong diatas bahu dengan minimal rambut yang dipotong 10 cm ATAU
  • Bila rambut sudah diatas bahu harus minimal rambut yang dipotong 10 cm ATAU
  • Botak 1-2 mm

6. Bagi shavee yang berusia dibawah 17 tahun, WAJIB membawa print out surat persetujuan orang tua yang telah ditanda tangani orangtua. Surat tersebut dapat di download di sini

7. Bagi shavee yang memakai kerudung, akan kami sediakan booth khusus untuk tempat memotong rambut.

8. Harap semua shavee datang tepat waktu pada waktu yang telah ditentukan untuk memperlancar keberlangsungan acara.

9. Setelah dipotong/dicukur rambutnya, setiap shavee akan mendapat sertifikat beserta merchandise official dari Shave for Hope dan sponsor acara.

10. Saat peserta datang pada waktu yang telah ditentukan, langsung mendaftar ulang di meja registrasi (dengan memperlihatkan dokumen yang telah diberitahu diatas). Kemudian shavee akan diberikan nomor antrian pemotongan rambut.

11. Sebelum pemotongan rambut, peserta akan difoto “sebelum” dan setelah dipotong rambutnya, peserta akan difoto “sesudah” di Photobooth

Perspektif

Hari ini hari kedua belajar nyetir mobil sama Papa.
Masih sering mati mesin waktu mau mundur hehe.
Tapi gue udah lumayan bisa mengendalikan kecepatan dan udah bisa pindah gigi.
Well, baby steps :)

Sebelum gue pindah Jogja, mana tau gue cara nyetir motor. Apalagi nyetir mobil.
Di Jakarta, gue bisa mengandalkan angkot, bajaj, ojek, bus, taksi.
Gue udah pernah naik semuanya, meanwhile di Jogja jarang banget ada angkutan umum lewat gang depan rumah gue.
Nelangsa kan ya kalo gue mau ke sekolah dianter jemput mulu. Malu sama umur. Hahaha
Temen-temen gue jaman SMA aja udah pada bisa nyetir motor dari jaman SMP.
Lah cemen banget kan gue. Hahaha

Akhirnya belajar motor deh gue.
Jatoh, sering. Spion sampe patah malah hahaha.
Yaudah deh pas kelas 2 SMA gue ke sekolah pake motor setelah selama setahun dianter jemput supir, atau kadang-kadang ayah tercinta.

Pas kuliah nih, banyak  juga temen gue yang beralih ke mobil. Ada juga yang kadang-kadang masih naik motor. Dan ada juga yang setiaaaa banget pake motor kayak gue. Alias, belum bisa nyetir mobil.

Sampai akhirnya, tahun ini kakak gue yang udah bisa nyetir mobil itu, hijrah balik lagi tuh ke Jakarta. Kerja doi.
Mobil di rumah yang bisa pake Papa  aja.
Gue sih mau aja diajarin nyetir mobil.  Papa juga maunya gitu.
Kalo pas beliau lagi gak bisa nyetirin mobil kan gue bisa siap nganterin bokap-nyokap kemana gitu.

Buat yang nyetir motor nih. Pernah dong ngerasain kalo lo naik motor bawaanya pengen nyelip mulu dan lo paling sebel kalo jalan di belakang mobil di jalan yang menurut lo gak sempit-sempit amat tapi doi rasanya jalannya lama banget? Lo ngerasa udah di depan gang, minggir di tempat yang paling strategis, aman dan menurut lo mobil juga masih bisa lewat ternyata lo masih diklakson-klakson juga?

Atau nih, buat lo yang nyetir mobil. sebel banget kan sama motor yang doyan banget ngambil kesempatan buat nyelip lewat celah sekecil apapun sampe lo ketar-ketir mobil lo kebaret? Lo ngerasa motor mau motong jalan di depan gang tapi nutupin jalan lo masuk ke gang yang sama?

Bokap gue sering banget sebel sama pengendara motor yang mau nyebrang ke gang di depan gang masuk rumah gue (gang masuk rumah gue itu di perempatan). Seringnya sih motor yang mau nyebrang di depan gang itu memang posisinya di tengah-tengah gang, jadi nutupin. Blas. Nah itu rese. Tapi ada, sekali, pengendara motor itu berentinya persis ketika gue akan nyebrang ke gang di depan gang rumah gue tapi bokap tetep klakson motor itu terus ngedumel.

Gue mikir. Gue pertama kali mengalami sebagai penumpang mobil, tahu persis posisi motor yang bisa nutupin gang dengan posisi motor yang harusnya yang ngasih jalan pengendara lain (terutama mobil) untuk keluar masuk gang. Jadi, gue selama ini melakukannya dengan posisi motor gue yang harusnya bisa ngasih jalan ke pengendara lain.
Ternyata, menurut Papa, itu masih salah posisi nya.
Gue yang saat itu udah jadi pengendara motor jadi tahu apa susahnya memposisikan motor saat mau nyebrang ke gang seberang. Di depan gang, udah di pinggir banget,masih dianggap salah.

Terus gue jadi ngerti. Apa yang sebenernya aneh di sini.
Ini semuanya menurut sudut pandang gue yang udah jadi pengendara motor dan masih menjadi pemumpang mobil.

Ketika lo udah merasakan seringnya naik mobil, entah pengendara ataupun penumpang, mobil dan juga motor; ketika lo sekali nyetir motor, lo akan tahu posisi motor lo yang menurut lo benar di jalan untuk berlalu lintas dengan mobil; dan ketika lo nyetir mobil, lo akan tau bagaimana bersabar dengan pengendara motor dan memposisikan diri untuk (seringnya) mengalah ketika berlalu lintas dengan pengendara motor. Seringnya sih di Indonesia nih secara gue tinggal di sini.

Gue gak akan menyalahkan Papa akan hal ini.
Jelas, beliau hanya gak tahu sudut pandang pengendara motor secara beliau gak bisa nyetir motor.

You might will never really understand a person before you walking for a mile on her/his shoes.
It's a matter of each other's perspectives.

Anyway, doakan gua lancar latihan nyetirnya dan segera mengenggam SIM A :D

“Please all, and you will please none.”

It's 9.36 AM. Lovely Sunday weather :)
And I don't know why, I can't stop smiling since yesterday.

Being grateful is not hard, when you're happy.
When you're down, it's way much harder.
True.

Recently, I know what I should post here.
It's kind of revelation. At least, for me. Because now, I know and understand why I react differently to my social life than I was a junior-high schooler.

I'm actually an introvert. But, nobody sees me like I'm the one, except my nuclear family and my closest friends.
Back then, I've been trying to please everyone. As if, I could do anything for them.
Some said, I was nice, funny, energetic, helpful, cheerful, smart. Everything, you name it
Despite it all, I left my opinions unspoken and it was often to follow somebody's lead.
But, what I remember when I was around 12-15 years old, life never been that easy. I enjoyed every moment in my life. Everything seemed so easy, fun, interesting.

And then, I agreed to go to school which Papa have chosen for me like for my sister.
We moved to Yogyakarta, around July 10th 2007.
Different city. Err.. It's more like town for me, though. Hehe.

New social life, new friends, new environment, new habits, new culture.
I tried to adapt. Thank God, I found nice friends. Some I still keeping in touch with them, and the rest, i don't know.

It's hard when you bump into new place, you tried to please everyone so they can be nice to you, you understand them but they might hard to understand you. I felt that I have to follow the habits here, I tried everything to fit in.
Trying to fit in new place here in Yogyakarta for the first 4 years.
Struggling with all the cultures shocks I've been through.
Questioning, why are they so slow (rarely find on-time person here, FYI, it's part of the culture.) and the food here so sweet I couldn't stand it.
The urge to go back to Jakarta was so huge, because I missed the way I lived there, how I really missed my old friends, how I missed its savory foods. Everything. I missed evey little thing of my "big city" life, back then.
Yeah. I got homesick.

I was so stressed out and acted so strange. So sensitive that even when one of my family member didn't agree with me, I cried.
Papa brought me to a pshycologist.
There you go, know that I'm that miserable, that was the ridiculous moment of my life. Terrible.
It's my past and this is not about the place, I guess, it's something to do with the ability of myself to adapt to new things.

She asked me to do 10 week sessions to diagnose what was wrong with me.
I attended all sessions with her assistant. She's nice. I still have her Facebook, anyway.
Mulai dari curhat, ngerjain semacam kuesioner kepribadian gitu, games, jalan bareng ke mall. Semuanya saya lakukan cuman dalam rangka, well, it was a kind of rehab so I could bounce back to what I used to be: optimistic, energetic, dan gak menye lagi. Hahaha.
I don't know the result. Yes, present tense.
Sampe sekarang saya gak tau hasil dari sesi-sesi itu apa aja. Mungkin cuman Papa yang tau.

Dan, diterimalah saya di sebuah universitas swasta di sini.
Kenapa swasta? Karena saya udah ikut UM dan SNMPTN buat masuk universitas negeri gak pernah lolos aja dong. Hahaha.

Okay, lanjut.

Di universitas swasta ini, saya ikut organisasi, sebuah himpunan mahasiswa sesuai jurusan yang saya ambil.
It was fun, exciting. I learned new things here, new friends also.
Sampai pada tahun ketiga, saya sebenernya udah gak terlalu niat untuk ikut organisasi ini. Pertama, capek. Kedua, saya mau meng-eksplor kegiatan lain di luar organisasi kampus, entah ikut kelas conversation maupun ikut kegiatan sosial lain di luar orang-orang yang sudah saya kenal sebelumnya. (Well, I did: joined catalyst movement. Beberapa kali ikut, makin lama makin gak bisa ikutan; makin banyaknya tuntutan kuliah dan organisasi kampus. Oke, itu excuses saya.) Kedua, saya merasa, banyak kok yang lebih kompeten dari saya untuk ngelanjutin kepengurusan organisasi ini di tahun ketiga.

Eh gak taunya, temen-temen angkatan saya banyak yang resign. Kampret.
Oke, saya mikir. Kalo ini temen-temen gak ada yang gerak, terus organisasi ini habis dong?
Sebetulnya saya bisa berkembang di situ. Tapi masa iya, tanpa mereka?
Akhirnya, ada deh yang "memprovokasi" supaya saya dan temen-temen saya keluar dari comfort zone, melakukan perubahan di tahun kepengurusan yang seharusnya jadi tahunnya angkatan saya.

Saya pun jadi tergoda, kalo gak ada yang maju, mending saya aja.
And it happened again. I followed them, not my heart. Well, saya gak nyalahin yang provokasi, saya gak anggap dia salah.
Saya aja yang setelah itu ngerasa, bahwa kapasitas saya ternyata tidak sebesar harapan mereka. You might gonna say, that I'm a whiner, spoiled little daughter-by reading this-because it turned out I wasn't that tough. Memang, saya selama ini berkembang dan banyak belajar di sana, tetapi kapasitas orang kan berbeda-beda, bisa tahan dan bisa tidak.
So, I took the decision beyond my limit.
Ya, saya lalu mengambil keputusan itu dengan tidak berpikir panjang.

Setahun ke belakang, hampir tiap hari, jujur, saya mengeluh. Kadang saya tahan, kadang saya nangis. Capek. Menyesal.

Kepengurusan udah berpindah tangan beberapa minggu yang lalu. Saya udah gak menjabat apa-apa lagi.
Less-burdened, for sure.
Despite of all the bad things happened to me, back then, somehow now I feel that it was a pleasure to know and understand how real team in organization should works. I know how to handle people, yet I still learning how to practice the right way.

Sebenarnya, saya sekarang memang gak suka ikut-ikutan lagi untuk hal yang gak saya banget atau peduli banget kata orang. Well, sometimes I still do the same thing nowadays but it rarely happens. Kalo sekarang, saya udah mulai untuk pikir-pikir dulu lah. Gak semua kata orang harus diturutin.

Contoh kecilnya aja ya.
Saya punya akun twitter. Saya hanya follow teman saya yang tweet-nya menarik, sebenarnya. Karena menurut saya, gak follow di twitter bukan berarti gak temenan di dunia nyata. Kalo ada yang mikir sebaliknya mah dangkal banget pikirannya. Maaf-maaf aja, tapi memang iya.

Terus, ada temen saya follow saya, minta di follow back. Okay, ternyata teman saya ini RT-abuser.
Rame banget dong home timeline saya. Bikin pusing, mana yang seharusnya yang menarik untuk dibaca sekarang dengan gampangnya kelelep sama retweetan temen saya yang isinya macem conversation yang gak penting juga saya baca.
Twitter yang dirancang untuk microblogging 140 karakter dan itu yang jadi daya tariknya, sekarang temen saya malah pake twitlonger pula. Nah lho. Gimana gak enek tuh.

Beberapa pengecualian, saya tetep follow temen lama saya di twitter meskipun dia ReTweet-abuser karena saya udah jarang banget handle akun Facebook saya. Hiks.
Untuk temen yang tiap hari ketemu mah kalo dia RT-abuser, saya unfollow. Asli.
Kalo ditanya kenapa saya unfollow, jawab aja yang jujur: karena saya gak tertarik liat twit macem RT-abusing gitu. Kalo dia dewasa mah harusnya dia bisa nerima karena prinsip yangtadi saya bilang: "Karena menurut saya, gak follow di twitter bukan berarti gak temenan di dunia nyata."
Kalo ternyata dia ngambek atau marah atau lebih parahnya sampe musuhin saya, saya cuman bisa ketawa. Hahaha.
Saya gak pernah protes kok kalo ada yang mau unfollow saya. Saya bukan selebtwit, therefore, I'm not into celebtwit-minded. Saya gak se-diva itu, guys. Kalo mau unfollow, monggo :)
Saya gak peduli juga kamu mau ngomongin apa saya di belakang cuman gara-gara saya unfollow kamu atau sama sekali gak mau follow kamu.

Eniwei, ini kocak juga sih kenapa saya bahas follow-unfollow twitter disini x))

Sekarang keliatan, dan saya makin ngerti kenapa gak seharusnya saya hidup dengerin semua perkataan orang tentang kita. Mereka bukan kita.
Bagian dari "gak dengerin semua perkataan orang" di sini bukan berarti saya jadi orang yang gak pedulian juga. Ini lebih ke mendengarkan apa yang seharusnya bisa saya terima atau tidak. Membangun atau tidak.
Kalo mereka memberi kritik dan saran membangun, saya pun coba untuk mikirin, memang itu beneran sesuai sama saya atau tidak. Kalo ternyata setelah dipikir dan mengerti ada yang masih salah sama saya, saya masih belajar untuk mendengarkan mereka dan belajar untuk memaafkan diri sendiri untuk gak lagi berbuat yang gak seharusnya. Itu semuanya proses. Saya sedang melakukannya dan sekarangpun masih belajar.

Kalo mendengarkan dan mematuhi mereka dengan tujuan untuk membuat mereka puas atau memenuhi ekspektasi mereka yang berlebihan dan gak sesuai dengan saya, bukan lagi fokus saya. Itu namanya gak membangun. Kalau untuk kemajuan dan perkembangan bersama it's okay. Tapi, kalau hanya untuk kepentingan orang-per-orangan atau sekelompok orang, mending gak usah didengerin.
Saya utamakan apa yang menjadi prioritas dan fokus saya.

Egois? Ah nggak.
Daripada saya melakukannya dengan tidak sepenuh hati dan hanya kamu yang mendapatkan manfaatnya tetapi saya gak ikhlas? Makasih banyak ya.
Saya lebih bahagia seperti ini, karena, sekali lagi, saya gak bisa menyenangkan setiap orang.

"There are a lot of problems with living a life designed to fit everyone else’s expectations of you, though. The top three, as I see it, are:

1. You can’t please everyone
2. Their expectations may be based on a narrow, inaccurate view of you
3. Your values could be wildly different from theirs." Ali Luke (http://www.aliventures.com/live-your-way/)

"You can't please everyone. When you're too focused on living up to other people's standards, you aren't spending enough time raising your own. Some people may whisper, complain and judge. But for the most part, it's all in your head. People care less about your actions than you think. Why? They have their own problems!" - Kris Carr (the New York Times Best-Selling author of Crazy Sexy Diet and Crazy Sexy Kitchen, a wellness activist and cancer thriver)

Ngok.

I've just finished my Business Ethics final paper. Pfiuh.

I was so sleeeepppyyy. And now, my eyes are wide open.  o_O
So I decided to post something here.
Nobody will read. Don't bother.
I don't really care.
What I care is my blaberring thoughts really need to express this s**t.

So yeah, it's been a tough mid-year. And the toughest is still yet to come.
I'm tired. I had enough of whining, crying, throwing vent.

Sekarang aja ngomong gini. Entaran juga kambuh lagi. Yah, manusia.

If you're asking, what am I doing until early June..
A lot. I can't ask for more. Obviously, I won't.
I've gained much productiveness. (based on http://sprachgefuhl.blogspot.com/2011/06/how-does-productivity-differ-from.html)

I'm grateful for being so productive.
But, on the other side, I really need to breathe.
Chill. Relax.
Chillax.

This afternoon, my sister texted me. She asked me to spend my vacation in Jakarta.
She said, "There will be cooking demo. And the fee.. It's not pricey."
She sent me the schedule.
Whoa.
14 June. It's Chef Arnold. Will be showing cooking demo.
*faints*

Ah, let's see if I can make it.
That cooking demo is my motivation now. Ehehe..

Gimme hugs! Gimme hugs! :*

Mind War

How can I find inner peace when I don’t even understand myself? When I'm not even able to manage what I feel? When everything I don’t like always be blamed?

Now I’m at the point, the moment, when I’m tired of myself whining about everything.

Am I the only one who always feels this kind of war: tired of whining about everything yet had enough of keeping all the feelings by myself?

This war is killing me slowly. I don’t wanna die in this kind of state. My soul needs peacefulness, anyway.

Nobody knows what I feel because I don’t tell ‘em.  But, thank you for those who know what I feel without, even, a single thing I tell about what I struggle with to you. *huugsss*

I need to get 2 days or maybe, more, to go out of town. Need some refreshments of all those 6 hectic months waiting for me starting next week. Well, I don’t get any free days, anyway. So, yeah, I’m trying to keep my heart, my soul, my body, and my mind stronger and the most important thing is stay on the right track, keep my mind in sanity.

By the way, about a week ago I had the same dream I got last year and years before. It keeps coming to me. Weird. Why do I still can remember that? Same dream, same person.

First, I never had this guy on my mind in about 6 years ago. Yeah, since then, I never ever thought about him because we never get in touch ever since. I don’t even have his facebook, or twitter, or e-mail, or even phone number (since I changed my handphone, actually).

I never tell my friends, even my close ones, about what I feel about him. Hahahaha I succeeded in keeping it for years and nobody knew, until two weeks ago I tell my friend (since high school) about it. And she quite shocked why could I keep the feelings for years. Well, I’m not actually keeping it for long time. I just don’t remember if I really had serious infatuation or not hehe.

I never tell it to my friends because it was way too dangerous. My closest friends in junior high didn’t even have the control to keep their body language safe in front of every boy I like. We were that cheesy back then hahaha. So, for the sake of privacy, I kept it for myself.

I still don’t understand, why him? Why not the boy who I gave a birthday present instead? *that was a huge mistake and still can't stop laughing of thinking of it hahahaha* And why always this dream keeps coming over and over again every single year? First I got this dream when I was in eleventh grade. Aahh way too weird. Such a mystery. Or just stupid coincidence universe made?

In my dream, he was my boyfie and we were cuddling each other. He’s chest was so warm and huggable. He hug me so tight yet I still can breathe so easily. It was like time stopped and only us living in our world loving each other. He smiled. We laughed.

WAIT. Gross.

It’s kind of awkward to tell you how it happened in my dreams.

Until now, I don’t want to know how is life he living in.

Okay, a bit.

But, hey! I still can survive living without any information about him. I’m alive. No worries.

Dream about him is one thing, knowing him is another. I choose to not knowing him. So, nothing to loose.

Sentimental

Being so fed up.

Yes. I dunno what hormones affecting me since I woke up from my peaceful nap, this afternoon.

No, it wasn’t peaceful no more since I got this bad feeling.

My other-self (who speaks real honest than myself) in my head, blame me for I took “the decision” about 7 months ago. Creeps me, haunted me soon after that day. A very huge mistake ever done in my life. I shouldn’t take it. It remains as a regret.

Karena sudah terlanjur juga ya ada baiknya sekarang saya sedikit-sedikit berusaha untuk mengabaikan perasaan ini. Toh, ya tinggal kurang-lebih 6-7 bulan lagi kelar. Well, teman-teman terdekat saya pasti ngerti banget sekarang saya ngomongin apa.

Saya sampe belum tidur jam segini karena saya mikirin hal ini. Kalau gak ditulis, rasanya berat banget di dada. Nyesek banget. I don’t care if you consider this as some kind of whining. I do whine. This is whining. So, yes, ini memang keluhan saya.

Saya berusaha menyembunyikan perasaan ini, sejak lama. Saya berusaha bertahan. Sampai sekarang. Setiap ada yang menyelipkan nama itu, perasaan saya yang tadinya datar-datar aja, atau lagi seneng, bisa tiba-tiba langsung drop. Males dengernya. Tiap ada yang bilang “Ciee.. jadi ini gitu sekarang. Udah naik dong ya. Keren banget”, rasanya itu orang pengen saya tampar bolak-balik, saya lipet jadi origami, saya injek-injek. Seriusan. Tapi itu di hati saya yang terdalam. Karena saya biasanya cuman bisa senyum asem terus ketawa dan bilang “Dih. Maksudnya apa? Aneh.”

Di sana saya mempunyai teman-teman yang baik. Tadinya mereka sama sekali belum bisa disiplin, tetapi sekarang saya sudah melihat kesungguhan mereka untuk mencoba berusaha mendisiplinkan diri dan teman lainnya. Yang saya gak tahan mungkin ada yang attitudenya gak cocok sama saya dan bodohnya saya juga gak bisa mengkomunikasikan hal itu. Selera bercandanya juga termasuk aneh dan cenderung filthy. Saya gak suka. Okay, nobody’s perfect. Saya gak bisa cocok sama semua orang, toh ada juga orang yang gak cocok sama saya. Fair enough.

Kembali lagi karena keterlanjuran itu, saya berusaha untuk mencoba mengikhlaskan diri di jalan yang sekarang tempuh untuk mencapai apa yang dulu saya impikan seperti idola saya yang anak HI UI itu haha :p I take this mistake as a lesson for me to get wiser than before. To be honest, being a catalyst, being a leader,  bukan jalan saya mungkin. Karena saya ternyata punya mimpi yang lain, yang membuat saya hidup, yang membuat mata saya berbinar tiap saya mendengarnya. Semuanya terasa benar ada di kepala saya, di hati saya. Saya rasa, itulah yang membuat saya semangat menjalani hari saya.

I really want to take up cookery lessons, gastronomy stuffs. Mungkin nanti saya akan sekolah lagi setelah kuliah, atau bekerja dulu untuk bersekolah lagi.

Saya ingin menikmati festival music di Indonesia, Asia, lalu dunia. Dear, talented yet underrated musicians, wait for me!

Saya juga ingin sekali menghadiri konser musisi favorit saya, dari konser yang besar, sampe intimate concert mereka.

Saya ingin keliling dunia dan nyobain setiap street food sampe makanan kebangsaannya. Entah backpacking atau gimana, tetep saya mau jalanin.

Saya ingin bikin bistro. Sophisticated bistro. Entah di mana. Ini mimpi saya.

Saya pengen meluk Armando Reed, Oli Pettigrew, Henry Golding, and Jason Godfrey. *cheesy wishes haha*

Dan ada mimpi-mimpi lain yang jadi my little treasures for myself dan ada juga yang mungkin bisa muncul begitu aja di pikiran saya, entah sekilas, atau menghantui saya hahaha :p

Earlier this afternoon,at 3.40 p.m, sunrays hit my left face after the rain. Somehow, the warmth of the rays stroke my chest. In a good way. It touched me in its own way. I still can feel it now. Feeling so sentimental I almost cry all of sudden. I assume that was a message brought by the universe.”This is your life, don’t worry about things. You are tough and can get through all of this with your head held up high. Do the best of the bestest.”