Since
my blog is a kind of a therapy for my mental health, I guess this is one of
those things called ”sumpah serapah yang diperhalus”. Google it.
Where
to begin? Hmm..
I
guess those sumpah serapah sort have faded away a little bit since I woke up
from nap 2 hours ago.
I
often think that my weakness is always trying to make all the things perfect
and the worst thing of all is I’m not easily forgive myself for the things I
think I should have done.
Like
today.
Today
is marketing plan presentation day for my team. This marketing plan has already
got into my nerves as hell since a month ago.
Why?
My lecturer got high expectation for the class performance so he set the score
based on his experience when he studied abroad. I love the way he thinks that
we, as students, here in Indonesia, need more challenges than what we usually get
from standard education here. He said, as Indonesian students, who get lack
challenges in developing our competencies in school yet only got nonstop
pressure to reach high scores.
Okay,
I agree with him on all points. Until, I got the so-not-kind-of-my-team. Ugh.
I’m
okay to be friend with them outside class, but to form a team with them I
should check my blood pressure to make sure that I wasn’t going to pass out. It’s
sort of a mini-hell for me. Ya, menurut ngana?
I
think I’m a perfectionist in a way that I prefer to work with only myself than
in a 5 persons each team. Sometimes, I’d rather to work in a team only consist
of 2 persons (including myself) than more. If there were 3 persons, I prefer to have all of the
member have the way of work as I am or have more perfect vision than me, I
mean; don’t procrastinate things, noticing every detail (qualified to be an
editor), not a “yes man”. You know what I mean lah. *and Singlish accent came
out in a sudden*
I worked on the strategic planning and them on the rest of how to implement the plan.
I worked on the strategic planning and them on the rest of how to implement the plan.
I
got 4 friends, all girls, in my team.
First
girl, she worked collecting data. She always tried to reach me every time she
got new data and discussing things with me about the progress of our marketing
plan.
Second
girl, she was trying to complete the part where she should work on, but only
work the half of it. It’s like you don’t even google it, man. Seriously?
Third
girl, she’s the one who never stop complaining in her whole life I guess. Every time
she gets assignment, she only got one thing to do in first place for sure,
whining. Blah. When I gave her the part of marketing plan she should working
on, she complained that she didn’t know how to work on that because she can’t read
English. In Indonesia, that’s the time when you start to “ngelus-ngelus dada”
then hit your head onto the wall. Bam!
Fourth
girl, she never came to our planned-day-to-work-together. Until, the day before
the D-day, she came. I tried to trust her to do the rest of the work, to edit
it. Turned out, she even didn’t edit our paper and PowerPoint in decent way.
That’s the problem of this morning to be mourned of.
The
stupid thing was, I realized that so many mistakes, unedited words and
sentences both in our paper and PowerPoint. And at some point, I only rest the
presentation to the quote “que sera, sera”. I have to go all-out to presenting
the plan in maximum performance.
The
first turn to present the marketing plan was my team. Okay, everything went
quite alright.
But
when we finished it, my lecturer said that my team’s idea was great, but.. BUT,
THE PAPER WAS SO TRASHY.
Well,
it wasn’t what he really said, but it was just the same meaning when he said, “This
marketing plan assignment I gave for you guys wasn’t quite different with how
competition goes. You know, when in MasterChef, the judges often directly throw
the unqualified dish to the dustbin after they tasted it. And that’s the same
way goes to this paper. I don’t think you guys work seriously on this despite
on the deadline. No matter how deadline rushes, it has to be done on time with
your whole focus on it. And not like this. I hope you understand that this is
the way you learn from your failure. I always hope that you guys can improve
this and be ready in your future work life as a real manager. ”
At
first, I thought that this was our fault. Then I thought this was her fault. After
that, I thought, this was my fault.
Our
fault, to not focusing on those little-but-important-things. Her fault, to not
editing things decently. My fault, to not carefully read the paper before my
friend print it.
It’s
too late to regretting those ridiculously simple things.
Sometimes,
it takes time to forgive myself on this kinda situation because I always think
that this thing is still on my reach. I should’ve corrected those unedited
paper, I should’ve remembered my friend to edit it before she print it, I should’ve
read it before my friend print it, or maybe I should’ve edited and printed the
paper by myself instead.
But
then, to manage my disappointment on what happened today, when I woke up from
nap, I realized that this is the way I learn things from failure. How I manage
to bounce back from the failure to my way to the future awesomeness. When I
know how to fall, sure I will know how to get up and chin up. I’m still
breathing, alive, and my life is still a long journey to go, it’s not end just
here and now.
What
I learned today is my lecturer tough love to his students, including me for
sure. What I reached today might a form of a huge disappointment, but when I can manage it well, when I know how to improve to be a better version of
myself as individual, I can reach my dream future.
We should value
integrity, honesty, and discipline in every little thing we do. I believe in
those three things will lead us to our dream come true. Because I live in my
peaceful life in the making.
Anyways, I still really hope to get a not-so-bad score for this one subject. If I got to done the remedial (makeup exam), I pray to get a decent score so I won't take the same class in the next semester when I plan to work on my thesis. Amen.
Anyways, I still really hope to get a not-so-bad score for this one subject. If I got to done the remedial (makeup exam), I pray to get a decent score so I won't take the same class in the next semester when I plan to work on my thesis. Amen.
Thank
God for giving me these insights today.
P.S. May Nelson Mandela rest in lovely peace (1918-2013)
I sorta need someone to talk to. Well, if we didn't know each other yet, then it's okay. I love to make friends :) I need to have deep conversation (of course not like that random convo I've written above) and be enlighten with different vibe. that's all. Visit about.me/manuelandini, e-mail me there.
See ya when I see ya!