Now I’m at the
point, the moment, when I’m tired of myself whining about everything.
Am I the only one
who always feels this kind of war: tired of whining about everything yet had
enough of keeping all the feelings by myself?
This war is killing
me slowly. I don’t wanna die in this kind of state. My soul needs peacefulness,
anyway.
Nobody knows what I
feel because I don’t tell ‘em. But,
thank you for those who know what I feel without, even, a single thing I tell
about what I struggle with to you. *huugsss*
I need to get 2 days
or maybe, more, to go out of town. Need some refreshments of all those 6 hectic
months waiting for me starting next week. Well, I don’t get any free days,
anyway. So, yeah, I’m trying to keep my heart, my soul, my body, and my mind
stronger and the most important thing is stay on the right track, keep my mind
in sanity.
By the way, about a week ago I had the same dream I got last year and years before. It keeps coming to
me. Weird. Why do I still can remember that? Same dream, same person.
First, I never had
this guy on my mind in about 6 years ago. Yeah, since then, I never ever
thought about him because we never get in touch ever since. I don’t even have
his facebook, or twitter, or e-mail, or even phone number (since I changed my
handphone, actually).
I never tell my
friends, even my close ones, about what I feel about him. Hahahaha I succeeded
in keeping it for years and nobody knew, until two weeks ago I tell my friend (since
high school) about it. And she quite shocked why could I keep the feelings for
years. Well, I’m not actually keeping it for long time. I just don’t remember
if I really had serious infatuation or not hehe.
I never tell it to
my friends because it was way too dangerous. My closest friends in junior high
didn’t even have the control to keep their body language safe in front of every
boy I like. We were that cheesy back then hahaha. So, for the sake of privacy,
I kept it for myself.
I still don’t
understand, why him? Why not the boy who I gave a birthday present instead? *that was a huge mistake and still can't stop laughing of thinking of it hahahaha* And
why always this dream keeps coming over and over again every single year? First
I got this dream when I was in eleventh grade. Aahh way too weird. Such a
mystery. Or just stupid coincidence universe made?
In my dream, he was
my boyfie and we were cuddling each other. He’s chest was so warm and huggable.
He hug me so tight yet I still can breathe so easily. It was like time stopped
and only us living in our world loving each other. He smiled. We laughed.
WAIT. Gross.
It’s kind of awkward
to tell you how it happened in my dreams.
Until now, I don’t
want to know how is life he living in.
Okay, a bit.
But, hey! I still
can survive living without any information about him. I’m alive. No worries.
Dream about him is
one thing, knowing him is another. I choose to not knowing him. So, nothing to
loose.
